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SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT PARENTS HAVE THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE IN A CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT . 

HOWEVER, OTHERS ARGUE THAT OTHER FACTORS LIKE TV OR FRIENDS HAVE THE MOST SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

      It's said that a child's growth is influenced by either his or her parents or other factors like TV and friends. However, I believe that the development of children depends on both sides. But the extent of influence is presented in each particular curriculum and I'll show you about that in this following essay.  
      On the one hand, it's obvious that parents are one of the most important parts of their children 's growing who always stand by their kids from a baby to an adult. All of their behaviors, character, upbringing is absolutely affect their offspring thus they have a tendency to imitate and obey their parents. Yet the influence from parents to children's development bases on how many times parents spent to communicate, to play, to contact with their kids. The more time they spent, the higher extent of the influence they have.
    On the other hand, external factors are likely to be a significant influence on a child's growth, especially TV and friends. Many studies have indicated that the majority of children tends to be impacted by what they watch or hear from a TV program: they want to be a hero when they watch a superman cartoon, or they want to be a bad guy when they come across some action and criminal films. Alike with friends, while children are playing together with their friends, they will have a propensity to mimic their friends. For example, a kid will insist on being bought the same toy with his or her friends and want to have exactly things like friends.
     In my opinion, not only do parents have the main responsibility for a child's development, but some outward elements also do a similar work, which accompany with the interaction with children.
 
P/s : Em là hs lớp 9 ạ. Bài này em không có ý định để thi ielts mà là để thi vào 1 trường cấp 3. Mọi người đánh giá giúp em với ạ. Em cảm ơn!!!
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theo mình thì ở đoạn 2: All of their behaviors, character, upbringing is absolutely affect their offspring thus they have a tendency to imitate and obey their parents. -> affected và offspring, thus 

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dưới đây là góp ý của mình.
 It's said that a child's growth is influence her parents or other factors like TV and friends. However, I believe that the development of children depends on both sides. But the extent of influence is presented present in each particular curriculum and I'll show you about that in this following essay.  
      On the one hand, it's obvious that parents those parent are one of the most important parts of their children 's growing who always stand by their kids from a baby to an adult. All of their behaviors, character, upbringing is absolutely affect affected their offspring thus they have a tendency to imitate and obey their parents. Yet the influence from of parents to children's development developmental bases on how many times parents many times parent spent to communicate, to play, to contact with their kids. The more time they spent, the higher highest extent of the influence they have.
    On the other hand, external factors are likely to be a significant influence on a child's growth, especially TV and friends. Many studies have indicated that the majority of children tends tend to be impacted by what they watch or hear from a TV program: they want to be a hero when they watch a superman cartoon, or they want to be a bad guy when they come across some action and criminal crime films. Alike with friends, while children are playing together with their friends, they will have a propensity to mimic their friends. For example, a kid will insist on being bought the same toy with his or her friends and want to have exactly things like friends.
     In my opinion, not only do parents have the main responsibility for a child's development, but some outward elements also do a similar work do reliable work , which accompany with by the interaction with children.

https://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/10501/essay-about-a-childs-development

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