Sport is becoming a business with high income for professionals and more companies have involved in financial and in other ways. It is a positive or negative development?
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In recent years, sport commercialization has sparked controversy among the public. Although this trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides will justify these.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are some drawbacks of the business of sport. First, with a view to reaping the economic or politic benefits, stakeholders can make shady deals that ruin the primary value of sports. For example, in Sea Games 23, several talented players of Vietnam National Football team made sports fraud, leading to the loss of Vietnam, which is unfair for both other players and audiences. Second, by forcing players to play too many non-official matches in order to yield profits, private can make players suffer from serious injuries, such as bone fractures, which shortens their lifespan of careers.

Nevertheless, under no circumstances should the advantages be marginalized. First, if private companies sponsor for sports, the government can release itself from the burden on national budgets. This means that commercial firms will replace government duties in investment and development of the sports sector, ranging from supreme sports equipment to medical support, which means the saved money will be harnessed in other key areas for the purpose of sustainable development. Second, since both professionals and companies can reap tangible benefits, the business of sports is a win- win strategy. In fact, on the one hand,  the business of sport allows players to make a killing from endorsements or non- official matches, vice versa, companies also earn a big amount of profits thanks to entrance fees, advertisements and other services.

In conclusion, while sport business has certain disadvantages, the advantages can outweigh these. By imposing strict laws and policies, the authority can prevent such corporations from crossing the line.
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In recent years, sport commercialization has sparked controversy among the public. Although this trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides will justify these.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are some drawbacks of the business of sport. First,(firstly chứ nhỉ?) with a view to reaping(to v) the economic or politic benefits, stakeholders can make shady deals that ruin the primary value of sports. For example, in Sea Games 23, several talented players of Vietnam National Football team made sports fraud, leading to the loss of Vietnam, which is unfair for both other players and audiences. Second, by forcing players to play too many non-official matches in order to yield profits, private (dùng danh từ) can make players suffer from serious injuries, such as bone fractures, which shortens their lifespan of careers.(hình như bạn dùng quá nhiều câu "which" ở đây) 

Nevertheless, under no circumstances should the advantages be marginalized. First, if private companies sponsor for sports, the government can release itself from the burden on national budgets. This means that commercial firms will replace government duties in investment and development of the sports sector, ranging from supreme sports equipment to medical support, which means the saved money will be harnessed in other key areas for the purpose of sustainable development. Second, since both professionals and companies can reap tangible benefits, the business of sports is a win- win strategy. In fact, on the one hand,  the business of sport allows players to make a killing from endorsements or non- official matches, vice versa, companies also earn a big amount of profits thanks to entrance fees, advertisements and other services.

In conclusion, while sport business has certain disadvantages, the advantages can outweigh these. By imposing strict laws and policies, the authority can prevent such corporations from crossing the line.

Thật ra bài của bạn rất hay về lý lẽ và cách dùng new words, mình phải học tập nhiều. Vì mình mới học viết nên có gì sai sót bạn giúp mình nhé. Thanks.

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dạ cảm ơn bạn mình đọc lại mới thấy chỗ private bị thiếu companies
còn First mình k nhớ đọc ở đâu thấy bảo formal hơn là firstly
with a view to+Ving bạn ạ = in order to
Mình cảm ơn bạn nha

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