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Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
Luật của Forum: Thành viên với mỗi góp ý bất kỳ tại forum sẽ nhận được số bài chữa tương ứng từ https://ieltsplanet.info/ khi thành viên đó có một bài viết mới tại forum, bài viết được chấm dựa trên format của British Council - sửa bài bởi các bạn có band Writing 7.5+

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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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  • In many years,  sport is turning into a business and it has become increasingly common for athletes to have huge paychecks as more corporations are involved financially and control many aspects of sport industry. From my point of view, the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks.
  • On the one hand, it is difficult to deny that sport commercialization has some positive impacts. Firstly, sport commercialization can bring many financial benefits to athletes. This could be explained by the fact that the companies will pay high salary for the sport stars, which help athletes make a living. Besides, famous athletes are capable of earning more money from signing contracts brand with the big companies. The second reason is that sports becoming a business are useful marketing tool for companies. This is because the company is able to put their advertisement on the stadium as well as on athlete’s uniform to boost their brand image in international competition. For instance, Michael Jordan, a basketball star wears Nike’s sneaker in the basketball match which can be attracted by many customers.
  • On the other hand, I believe that there are some drawbacks in sport business. First of all, turning into a business make sporty passion deteriorate. This is due to the fact that if sportmen is under pressure to become the winner at all cost, this could lead to foul play in many sports. For instance, some footballers fake their injuries to give their team a free shoot and do not hesitate to play in a violent manner so as to have an edge than the opponent. Sencondly, sport commercialization could create the gambling and corruption in the competition. This is because the outcome of a match is controlled by individuals and organizations in order to make an massive money from gambling and this issue can ruin the value of sports.
  • In conclusion, while sport business has certain disadvantages, I believe that the advantages it offer outweigh the drawbacks. Furthermore, the government should manage tightly these things to minimize the negative impacts as much as possible.

 

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  • In many years,  sport is turning into a business and it has become increasingly common for athletes to have huge paychecks as more corporations are involved financially and control many  some aspects of sport industry. From my point of view, the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks.
  • On the one hand, it is difficult to deny that ( bạn nên dùng: it is undeniable that hơn nhé) sport commercialization has some positive impacts. Firstly, sport commercialization can bring many financial benefits to athletes. This could be explained by the fact that  in fact the companies will pay high salary for the sport stars, which help athletes make a living. Besides, famous athletes are capable of earning more money from signing contracts brand with the big companies. The second reason is that sports becoming a business are useful marketing tool for companies. This is because the company is able to put their advertisement on the stadium as well as on athlete’s uniform to boost their brand image in international competition. For instance, Michael Jordan, a basketball star wears Nike’s sneaker in the basketball match which can be attracted by many customers.
  • On the other hand, I believe that there are some drawbacks in sport business. First of all, turning into a business make sporty passion deteriorate. This is due to the fact that (bạn nên hạn chế dùng cụm này nhé) if sportmen is under pressure to become the winner at all cost, this could lead to foul play in many sports. For instance, some footballers fake their injuries to give their team a free shoot and do not hesitate to play do in a violent manner so as to have an edge than the opponent. Sencondly, sport commercialization could create the gambling and corruption in the competition. This is because the outcome of a match is controlled by individuals and organizations in order to make an massive money from gambling and this issue can ruin the value of sports.
  • In conclusion, while sport business has certain disadvantages, I believe that the advantages it offer outweigh the drawbacks. Furthermore Therefore, the government should manage tightly these things to minimize the negative impacts as much as possible.
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Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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