“Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time”
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 In the modern time, studying is one of  the most important thing for students. Besides, students have many chances to join extracurricular activities. However, some people believe that, children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time.  Personally, I do not agree with that opinion.

To begin with, I believe that children need to have more physical activities  besides academic activities. Obviously, children are spending too much time doing exercises on class, taking many extra classes,...so they do not have time for some physical exercises.As a consequence, they will be have many health problems. Thus, school is a vital role in improving the students’ physical health. To illustrate, in many schools, in their break time, they facilitate students to do some movements like a light exercise to make them  be more active after a stressful period. That activity encourages them to move more, and it also helps to improve their physical health.

Next, there are many educational activities in which they do not require many skills but knowledge. However, if students can combine educational and recreational activities, they can improve many skills.For example, in an activity which requires the group of players a wealth of knowledge about Languages; players need to give opinions, play together to give the best answer. During the game, someone learns the leadership skills, the skill of listening to other members of the team, and also improve your personality because someone can be opener, or more attentive...Hence, an education-and-recreation leisure activity will not waste time; moreover, it helps students improve their social skills.

In conclusion, I think every children’s leisure activity does not need to be education, their activity can be recreational and physical to help them improve both health and skills.

 

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-Câu "As a consequence, they will be have many health problems" sai ngữ pháp rồi, tuy nhiên, khúc này bạn cũng chỉ nên dùng hiện tai đơn thôi.

-Câu tiếp theo, thì nên ghi là "School plays a vital role in..."

-Câu "During the game, someone..." thì có chỗ "improve your personality" nên sửa your thành their. "Opener ko phải là tính từ, nếu muốn nỏi 1 người rộng mở hơn thì nên ghi là more sociable.
-Câu cuối, "I think every children’s leisure activity does not need to be EDUCATIONAL"

-Ngoài ra, trong tiếng anh người ta thường không sử dụng dấu ba chấm để nêu ví dụ, mà thay vào đó là sử dụng mấy từ như etc.

 

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Em cảm ơn ạ, bây giờ đọc lại em thấy bản thân sai nhiều lỗi cơ bản quá ạ...cảm ơn chị ạ!!!!

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