some people think that radio has become out of date, and there is no need to the radio for entertainment and news. Do you agree or disagree?

Question

Radio recently are obsoleted with the listeners and it is gradually ignored. While i agree that radio are no longer used in these days, i disagree that people finds no need to it when it comes to entertainment and news. 

It is true that radio recently are out of date. Because of the emergence of technology, there are more modern devices such as mobile phone, tablet, computer. The user find them more convenient and friendly to listen to music or news. They can bring these items anywhere, anytime that they want. Specifically, they can listen to music with a headphone while they are hitting the gym or some calm songs while they are studying in public places. Another reason is that radio just announces randomly. By this, the listeners sometimes do not want to listen to. Especially children, whenever it plays political news or revolutionary songs, they easily fed up with these genre.

However, i oppose the view that there is no need to the radio for entertainment and news nowadays, Firstly, mostly radio are installed in car, truck. Drivers can listen to music or news on them while driving, which is very comfortable. Another reason worth mentioning is that it is a reasonable equipment for people who do not have enough money for buying modern devices, especially for those who live in the countryside. By this, they also know many things in society and foreign coutries. As a result, their life is also improved by gaining some useful knowledge in news from broadcast radio.

In conclusion, while i agree radio are becoming less popular. I am of the opinion that it is neccessary for people to use in a certain situation.

 

Moị người góp ý giúp em với ạ, grammar của e ko tốt lắm mn thông cảm ạ. Em sẽ nhận tất cả khen chê nên ksao đâu ạ <3(nếu có thể mn nhắm e đc bn vậy ạ :<)

Answer 1

Radio recently is obsoleted with the listeners and it is gradually ignored. While i agree that radio is no longer used in these days, i disagree that people find no need to it when it comes to entertainment and news. 

It is true that radio recently is out of date. Because of the emergence of technology, there are more modern devices such as mobile phones, tablets, computers. The user finds them more convenient and friendly to listen to music or news. They can bring these items anywhere, anytime that they want. Specifically, they can listen to music with a headphone while they are hitting the gym or some calm songs while they are studying in public places. Another reason is that the radio just announces randomly. By this, the listeners sometimes do not want to listen to. Especially children, whenever it plays political news or revolutionary songs, they easily fed up with these genres.

However, i oppose the view that there is no need for the radio for entertainment and news nowadays, Firstly, mostly radio is installed in car, truck. Drivers can listen to music or news on them while driving, which is very comfortable. Another reason worth mentioning is that it is a reasonable equipment (equitment không đếm được) for people who do not have enough money for buying modern devices, especially for those who live in the countryside. By this, they also know many things in society and foreign coutries. As a result, their life is also improved by gaining some useful knowledge in news from broadcast radio.

In conclusion, while i agree the radio is becoming less popular. I am of the opinion  believe/think that it is neccessary for people to use in a certain situation.

Nhận xét:

- Bạn mắc quá nhiều lỗi liên quan đến Subject and Verb Agreement, nghĩa là nếu bạn viết 'radio' thì verb sẽ là 'is'.Đây là một lỗi không đáng phải có, nên khi viết bạn phải chú ý.

- Bạn phải viết hoa chữ i nếu bạn muốn thể hiện ý nghĩa là 'tôi'. Vd: I agree chứ k phải i agree.

-Những chữ mình để màu nền là những chữ bị sai spelling đấy nhé

 

Answer 2

Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/some-people-think-that-radio-has-become-out-of-date-fixed.docx

some people think that radio has become out of date, and there is no need to the radio for entertainment and news. Do you agree or disagree?

Radio recently are obsoleted with the listeners and it is gradually ignored. While i agree that radio are no longer used [tn1] in these days, i disagree that people finds no need to it when it comes to entertainment and news. 

It is true that radio recently are out of date. Because of the emergence of technology, there are more modern devices such as mobile phone, tablet, computer[tn2] . The user find them more convenient and friendly to listen to music or news. They can bring these items anywhere, anytime that they want. Specifically, they can listen to music with a headphone while they are hitting the gym or some calm songs while they are studying in public places. Another reason is that radio just announces randomly[tn3] . By this, the listeners sometimes do not want to listen to. Especially children, whenever it plays political news or revolutionary songs, they easily fed up with these genre.

However, i oppose the view that there is no need to the radio for entertainment and news nowadays, Firstly, mostly radio are installed in car, truck[tn4] . Drivers can listen to music or news on them while driving, which is very comfortable. Another reason worth mentioning is that it is a reasonable equipment for people who do not have enough money for buying [tn5] modern devices, especially for those who live in the countryside. By this, they also know many things [tn6] in society and foreign coutries. As a result, their life is also improved by gaining some useful knowledge in news from broadcast radio.

In conclusion, while i agree radio are becoming less popular. I am of the opinion that it is neccessary for people to use in a certain situation.

---

 [tn1]Idea suggestion: no longer means no one ever uses this but there are still. Instead of this, you can say less popular

 [tn2]You can connect these two sentences into 1.

=> it is true that radio has become less popular in recent years due to the massive development of modern portable communication devices such as iphone, tablets…with similar functions.

 [tn3]What do you mean? We can adjust the channels in radio. Instead, you can say audiences have fewer options when using radio due to the limitation of radio channels.

 [tn4]The majority of 4-wheels vehicles nowaday are equipped radio which only help drivers to listen to music but also update traffic news

 [tn5]TO buy/to afford

 [tn6]Update new information

---

CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Achievement	6	• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others • presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive • presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion	6	• arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression • uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical • may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately • uses paragraphing, but not always logically
Lexical Resource	6	• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy • makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	6	• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms • makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
Overall	6.0