Today, more and more young children have electronic gadgets such as computers and mobile phones. Some people say that this is a positive development. Do you agree or disagree?

Question

In this day and age, technology has manipulated people in each aspect of life, especially electronic devices have an effect on youngsters. I somewhat agree with the statement because the modern of technology has helped a myriad of people; however, due to this convenient, I may cause some negative impacts.

The main reason why I believe digital devices have enhanced children is that it can improve their cognitive skills. This is because, through technology, youngsters can obviously learn faster and process information effectively. As well as this, it will have an easy time of children to remember every single detail of a task from one to another by paying attention to what they see on a screen and it is less boring to learn by the heart through textbooks at school.

Another reason, why I support the notion, is that it is a wonderful way for children to be self-study. Due to the benefits of technology has revolutionized children learning way. As well as this, there is no need for youngsters to attend an extra class. In addition, thanks to technology, children can sit at home and do researches in order to comprehend lessons better. To illustrate this, most of the students nowadays are more likely to study on the Internet, educational videos, interactive programs, learning tutorial and a variety of books available all the time. It can save time instead of attending the extra class where can take them an hour to move from house.

However,  it does seem reasonable that these benefits also lead to some negative impacts. One of the most significant impact is that it may get children to become depressed. Owing to the way they think and act will actually be different. As well as this, they are addicted to electronic gadgets and being isolated from other people surrounding them. For instance, they may feel distracted to play with friends compared to playing games.

In conclusion, I somewhat believe that technology is exclusive to every aspect of life. This is because children are supported by education, cognitive skills; however, I admit it also does harm to children’s emotion. Given this situation, it seems that should be let children use technology under the monitor of adults.

 

Answer 1

Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/Writing-Task-2_Electronic-gadgets-as-a-positive-development.docx

In this day and age, technology has manipulated people in each aspect of life, especially electronic devices have an effect [p1] on youngsters. I somewhat agree with the statement because the modern of technology has helped a myriad of people; however, due to this convenient, I may cause some negative impacts due to the convenience, some negative impacts could be seen.

The main reason why I believe digital devices have enhanced children is that it can improve their cognitive skills. This is because, through technology, youngsters can obviously learn faster and process information effectively since every thing is at their hands. As well as this, it will have an easy time of children to remember children would memorize every single detail of a task from one to another by paying attention to what they see on a screen and it is less boring to learn by the heart through textbooks at school.

Another reason, why I support the notion, Another reason why I support the notion is that it is a wonderful way for children to be self-study[p2] . Due to the benefits of technology has revolutionized children learning way. As well as this, there is no need for youngsters to attend an extra class. In addition, thanks to technology, because children can sit at home [p3] and do researches in order to comprehend lessons better. To illustrate this, most of the students nowadays are more likely to study on the Internet, educational videos, interactive programs, learning tutorial and a variety of books available all the time. It can save time instead of attending the extra class where can take them an hour to move from house.

However, it does seem reasonable that these benefits also lead to some negative impacts. One of the most significant impac[p4] t is that it may get children to become depressed. Owing to the way they [p5] think and act will actually be different. As well as this, they are addicted to electronic gadgets and being isolated from other people surrounding them. For instance, they may feel distracted to play with friends compared to playing games. They may feel like playing games and stay at home, rather than go out and play with friends

In conclusion, I somewhat believe that technology is exclusive to every aspect of life. This is because children are supported by education, cognitive skills; however, I admit it also does harm to children’s emotion. Given this situation, it seems that should be let children use technology under the monitor of adults.

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 [p1]Redundant Language, no need to repeat what you’ve written

 [p2]Vocabulary Error: Use “self-study” as a Verb

-> “to self-study”

 [p3]Idea Suggestion: Link sentences together by “because”

-> Try to avoid writing too many separate sentences

 [p4]Grammar Error: “one of many”

-> “one of the most significant impacts”

 [p5]Grammar Error: If this is an explanation for the previous sentence

-> “…become depressed owing to the fact that the way they think and act…”

CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Response	6	addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion	6	arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately uses paragraphing, but not always logically
Lexical Resource	6	uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	6	uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
Overall	6

 

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Comments

Thank you very much :))