IELTS Writing 24/2/2018 - Business and Jobs

Question

Task 2: Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

It is argued that formal academic degrees are more preferable than candidates’ life experience or characteristics in recruitment process. This essay will point out some reasons for this phenomenon and I personally believe that it is a positive trend.

Turning into the details, there are two causes that recruiters favor academic qualifications over experience and personal traits.  First and foremost, people with educational degrees are better equipped with specialized knowledge in the syllabus. At university, learners are taught both theories and case studies or insights about ethics. Secondly, in some jobs such as medical treatment, qualifications are compulsorily required that life experience and personal traits cannot replace. To become a general doctor, a medical student have to spend at least six years at college and three more years doing internship in the hospital. Dealing with patients is not a case that a fully experienced person or kind-hearted one can take responsibility if they are not trained with academic knowledge.

When looking for new employees, I gravitate towards the idea that recruiter should appreciate candidates with academic certificates rather than someone with life experience and good personality. Although two of them are both needed, however, employees with academic degrees can be much easier for employers to measure the ability and skills. For example, an applicant with higher GPA at university can be considered a hard-working and sharp person. In comparison with qualifications, life wisdom and personal traits need to be examined in a certain period of time. Obviously, as a human resources manager, I definitely determine to hire the one with degrees to save time and efforts.

In conclusion, there are two reasons for recruiting based on qualifications which are employees with better knowledge and compulsory policies in some special jobs. From my perspective, it is definitely a positive development.

 

Answer 1

Mình xin được góp ý một số phần:

- First and foremost, people with educational degrees are better equipped with specialized knowledge in the syllabus. At university, learners are taught both theories and case studies or insights about ethics => đoạn này, mình cảm thấy chưa được tới ý, hơi bị cụt. Mình nghĩ bạn nên thêm một câu nữa để giải thích, làm rõ ra, ví dụ như làm rõ ra việc được dạy lý thuyết ở trường thì hơn life experience ở điểm gì.

- the syllabus,  the hospital => ở đây chúng ta không biết là syllabus nào, hospital nào, nên mình nghĩ bạn nên để số nhiều (nếu có) hoặc a/an, nên bỏ "the". Internship cũng vậy, bạn nên để số nhiều

- Although two of them are both needed, however, employees with academic degrees can be much easier for employers to measure the ability and skills => có thể thay employees thành job applicant; the ability and skills => their abilities and skills

 

Answer 2

Bài của bạn viết khá tốt và rất gần với band 7.0. Tuy nhiên, lập luận của bạn chưa sắc nên điểm task achievement bị giảm. Bạn có thể lập luận theo cách là hiện nay nhiều ngành nghề mới xuất hiện (Fintech, AI) mà không kinh nghiệm nào có thể sánh được với kiến thức hàn lâm ở bậc cao( thạc sĩ tiến sĩ).
Chúc bạn sẽ có nhiều ví dụ hay hơn cho bài làm của mình.

Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/1568642404-IELTS-Writing-24.2.2018-Business-and-Jobs.docx

It is argued that formal academic degrees are more preferable than candidates’ life experience or characteristics in recruitment process. This essay will point out some reasons for this phenomenon and I personally believe that it is a positive trend.

Turning into the details, there are two causes that recruiters favor academic qualifications over experience and personal traits.  First and foremost, people with educational degrees are better equipped with specialized knowledge in the syllabus. At university, learners are taught both theories and case studies or insights about ethics[DN1] . Secondly, in some jobs such as medical treatment, qualifications are compulsorily required that life experience and personal traits cannot replace. To become a general doctor, a medical student have to spend at least six years at college and three more years doing internship in the hospital. Dealing with patients is not a case that a fully experienced person or kind-hearted one can take responsibility if they are not trained with academic knowledge.[DN2]

When looking for new employees, I gravitate towards the idea that recruiter should appreciate candidates with academic certificates rather than someone with life experience and good personality. Although two of them are both needed, however, employees with academic degrees can be much easier for employers to measure the ability and skills. For example, an applicant with higher GPA at university can be considered a hard-working and sharp person[DN3] . In comparison with qualifications, life wisdom and personal traits need to be examined in a certain period of time. Obviously, as a human resources manager, I definitely determine to hire the one with degrees to save time and efforts.

In conclusion, there are two reasons for recruiting based on qualifications which are employees with better knowledge and compulsory policies in some special jobs. From my perspective, it is definitely a positive development.

---

 [DN1]I don’t get the meaning of ethics in this  context!

 [DN2]Ý này có thể dùng để phản bác chính luận điểm của bạn bởi vì nghề bác sĩ cũng yêu cầu kinh nghiệm cực kỳ nhiều. Chọn giữa bác sĩ có kinh nghiệm và bác sĩ mới ra trường thì ai cũng biết đâu mới là người được chọn đúng không nào

 [DN3]High GPA chỉ có thể được xem xét là người có mức độ academic performance tốt , có giác quan nhạy bén và sẵn sàng thích nghi với các thách thức học thuật hay kiến thức mới chứ chưa chắc đã là hard working

---

CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Achievement	6	• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others • presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive • presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion	7	• arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression • uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical • may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately • uses paragraphing, but not always logically
Lexical Resource	6	• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy • makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	7	• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms • makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
Overall	6.5