reseach shows that born characteristics have more influences on personality and development than experiences gained in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Question

To uncover the secrets of a human’s mentality and personality development, many experiments have been conducted and the results show that congenital features may play an influential role in a person’s evolvement in these respects much more than experiences gained in life. In my subjective views, this notion may be fortified by the examples of the willpower and the outlook of a person, which may have great impacts on his success.

Willpower is a terminology to describe the ability of a man or woman whereby they are able to overcome the hardships, fight against the pressures and stick to their goals’ plan without any compromises. It is characterised by how much he or she is resilient in front of stress or adversity and how they could postpone their early satisfaction for small achievements to wait for the bigger to come. Additionally, willpower is an unexplainable variance in each person, which distinguishes from other to other regardless of life experiences. Therefore, possessing high willpower at the early stage of life makes a person much more determined and persevered to follow the goals’ plan they set up and as a result, they develop a higher career status than others.

Another congenitally major influence is the appearing outlook of a boy or a girl. Truth to be told, people born with attractive appearances will have an easier life than those who were not. With an eye-catching face, they will get admiration from others, have a lot of contacts giving them supports whenever they need and earn a pass for everything they do in their life more easily. Consequently, the formed personalilty and mentality of these people seem different from the opposite ones despite being brought up in same conditions.

To conclude, being born with advantageous traits could help an individual develop great success in life. High willpower and attractive outlooks are the two of the congenital advantages which produce different mentality and personality in different people, contributing to success’s extent in their lives.

Answer 1

(In order to) To uncover the secrets of a human’s mentality and personality development, many experiments have been conducted and the results show that congenital features may play an influential role in a person’s evolvement in these respects much more than experiences gained in life. In my subjective views, this notion may be fortified by the examples of the willpower and the outlook of a person, which may have great impacts on his success.

Willpower is a terminology to describe the ability of a man or woman whereby they are able to overcome the hardships, fight against the pressures and stick to their goals’ plan without any compromises. It is characterised by how much he or she is resilient in front of stress or adversity and how they could postpone their early satisfaction for small achievements to wait for the bigger to come. Additionally, willpower is an unexplainable variance in each person, which distinguishes from other to others regardless of life experiences. Therefore, possessing high willpower at the early stage of life makes a person much more determined and persevered to follow the goals’ plan they set up and as a result, they develop a higher career status than others.

Another congenitally major influence is the appearing outlook of a boy or a girl. Truth to be told, people born with attractive appearances will have an easier life than those who were not. With an eye-catching face, they will get admiration from others, have a lot of contacts, giving (thêm dấu phẩy) them supports whenever they need and earn a pass for everything they do in their life more easily. Consequently, the formed personalilty (personality) and mentality of these people seem different from the opposite ones despite being brought up in the same conditions.

To conclude, being born with advantageous traits could help an individual develop great success in life. High willpower and attractive outlooks are the two of the congenital advantages which produce different mentality and personality in different people, contributing to success’s extent in their lives.


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Comments

cảm ơn bạn, tôi xin ghi nhận góp ý và sẽ làm tốt hơn trong bài lần sau.

Answer 2

"...contributing to SUCCESS' extent in their lives." Danh từ kết thúc bằng "s" thì trong sở hữu cách phải lược bỏ "s". Mình thấy bố cục của bài bạn ổn, vốn từ vựng phong phú, và diễn đạt rất trôi chảy.