Online game should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Justify your answer.(100-150 words)

Question

Online games is a good way to entertain but it is becoming harmful nowadays. Therefore, it should be banned. First of all, online games affect the young seriously, especially the students. Many students can play truant or steal their parent's money to play online game. This is an alarming situation. Secondly, it is bad for our health. For instance, most of the students who often sit in front of the screen for a long time have eye disease. They also can have problems with mental illness such as addiction, depression, anxiety...Thirdly, many online games are very violent. This is very bad for children. And finally, online games is a waste of electricity, time and money. In conclusion, online games has many bad effects so it should be banned.

Answer 1

Mình thấy câu đầu tiên của bạn chưa được ổn. "Online games" là danh từ số nhiều nên to be không thể là "is". Thay vào đó bạn nên viết "Playing online games is a good way of entertainment." 

"Many students can play truant or steal their PARENTS' money to play online game."

"For instance, most of the students who often sit in front of the screen for a long time SUFFER FROM EYESIGHT PROBLEMS."

"In conclusion, online games HAVE many bad effects so THEY should be banned."

Mình hi vọng sớm được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5: http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/8256/cambridge-ielts-1-test-2-writing-task-1