The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Question

The percentage of overweight children has significantly increased in recent years, especial in western society. This trend is putting these’s national health in danger. My essay will analyze causes and effects of this issue.

There are several causes of this unwanted situation. First, it is argued that the explosion of fast food is mainly responsible for this problem. Manufactures such as McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken  and StarBucks , for sake of profit, have invested a huge amount of money in advertisement to attract customer, especial children. Recent surveys have shown that about one third of children in western nations eat an average of more than five kilograms of fast food  per year. Besides, the lacking of exercises in children is the second reason. With the developing sharply of computer, Internet, Smart phone and other  recreational devices, children prefer playing these to doing exercises.  Instead of playing sports or participating in outdoor activities, they like playing computer game or surfing facebook. Furthermore, parents in modern life pay less attention to their children. Because of working all day, they have no time to prepare meal for children, as a result they give them money and let children eat what they want.

This issue leads several unwanted effects. First, children may suffer some diet-related diseases. Uncontrolled obesity increases the risk of cardiovascular diseases such as heart attack and stroke. Not only this, very overweight children often experience bullying from other children, which may affect their mental health. Besides, their daily activities are affected due to their overweight body.

In brief, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity amongst children, and a variety of negative effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.

 

Answer 1

The percentage of overweight children has significantly increased in recent years, especially in western society. This trend is putting these’s national health in danger. My( nên dùng this essay) essay will analyzes the causes and effects of this issue.

There are several the causes of this unwanted situation. First, it is argued that the explosion of fast food is mainly responsible for this problem. Manufactures such as McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken  and StarBucks , for sake of profit, have invested a huge amount of money in advertisement to attract customer, especially children. The Recent surveys have shown that about one third of children in western nations eats an average of more than five kilograms of fast food  per year. Besides, the lacking of exercises in children is the second reason. With the developing sharply of computer,the Internet, Smart phone and other  recreational devices, children prefer playing these to doing exercises.  Instead of playing sports or participating in outdoor activities, they like playing computer game or surfing facebook ( 2 câu này của bạn ý tương tự nhau)

. Furthermore, parents in modern life pay less attention to their children. Because of working all day, they have no time to prepare meal for children, as a result they give them money and let children eat what they want.

 

This issue leads to several unwanted effects. First, children may suffer some diet-related diseases. Uncontrolled obesity increases the risk of cardiovascular diseases such as heart attack and stroke. Not only this, very overweight children often experience bullying from other children, which may affect on their mental health. Besides, their daily activities are affected due to their overweight body.

In brief, it is evident that there are several causes of obesity amongst children, and a variety of negative effects. Society must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.

- Nếu bạn dùng "causes" ở dạng danh từ bạn nên thêm mạo từ "the" phía trước

-effect bạn có thể thay thế bằng cụm từ "impart" and "influence"

- Nói chung, ý của bạn rất rõ ràng, tuy nhiên cách diễn đạt chưa tốt ( Mình còn tệ hơn bạn về khoản này nên góp ý có gì sai bạn comment mình biết nhé, để mình học hỏi :D )