ielts task 2- the percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years

Question

in recent years, obesity has increased in children and youths, especially in western nations. the notable proplem as a result of some bad habbits of children like unhealthy food and lack of exersice. these facter can play a key role in wieght gain.

  First and foremost, unhealthy food is a main reason leading to children's overwieght. the reseach show that children tend to use more fastfood, sugary drinks and some other things that contain hight-fat ingredients, cholesterol. the children consume these food to replace thier daily meals that provide several vitamin and nutrients in order to boost energy.

  Secondly, lack of exersice is a main effect in children's obesity. the expert claimed that most children have tendency to ingnore physical activities. actually, thay often watch TV, play video games or surf th internet, insteed of playing physical outdoor and sport such as foodball, sidewalks. however, these habbit keeps more calories than burn them.this imbalance is the great factor in obesity.

In conclution, unhealthy food and lack of exersice are strong evidences for what are the origins os making the obesity in children.therefore, it is significant to ingage in more phycial activities and have a unhealthy meals daily.

Answer 1

Đầu tiên thì mình thấy b mắc khác nhiều lỗi chính tả của từ.

Câu:  the notable problem is a result of some bad habbits of children like eating unhealthy food and lack of exersice ( còn chỗ lack of exercise t thấy nó sao sao ấy )

the reseach shows

 these habbits keep

Bạn bị lặp một số cấu trúc và mình support b từ intake để chỉ đồ ăn mà bọn trẻ ăn cũng ổn.