The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.
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In various Western countries nowadays, the rising number of children suffering from obesity is alarming. This essay will shed light on contributing factors and highlight some possible consequences of this worrying issue, thus a useful suggestion will be made.

To begin with, the invention of modern technology including Internet and social media is believed to be the major reason for this problem. Having participated actively in outdoor activities in the past, children now tend to spend their spare time sitting in front of screens. In addition, there is a linkage between the consumption of processed food among youngsters and childhood obesity. It is a fact that in various workplaces worldwide, many parents are struggling with an overburden of assignments, therefore, they cannot spend time preparing healthy dishes. Consequently, ready-made food seems to be an attractive choice due to its affordable price and convenience.

Undeniably, both physical and mental problems in children are believed to originate from the overweight. It is claimed that the obese children are vulnerable to many serious diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure. Moreover, the overweight youngsters are more likely to be the victims of bullying due to their appearance. As a consequence, they can suffer from stress, leading to their dropping out of school.

Clearly, an effective solution to this disturbing problem is for the government to organise more campaigns focusing on sports. Not only can this action raise the parents’awareness but it also encourages children to go outside instead of wasting time using smartphones and computers.

To summerise, it is clear that the inactive lifestyle and unhealthy diet can trigger obesity, which can have negative effects on children’s physical and mental health. It is, therefore, recommended that the sport campaigns should be held in order to tackle this concerning issue.
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Chào bạn, mình góp ý với bạn 1 chút nha:

-Bạn ít sủ dụng từu đồng nghĩa, ví dụ bạn có thể thay various = a large variety of = a host of hay several...

-Thay vì lặp lại từ believed trong body 2 bạn có thể paraphse câu topic sentence theo cách khác, chẳng hạn:

Thay vì viết: both physical and mental problems in children are believed to originate from the overweight.

bạn có thể viết là: The overweight is considered as a culprit causing some health related issues including psychological disorders and physical matters

-Trong đoạn solution, thay vì lặp alij từ solution từ đề bài bạn có thể thay thế bằng method hoặc measurement.

Ngoài ra cũng trong phần solution bạn chỉ tập trung vào phần giải pháp vĩ mô từ chính phủ mà không đề cập đến trách nhiệm và giải pháp từu phái gia đình, bậc cha mẹ

Mình có vài góp ý nhỏ, mình ko đủ khả năng đánh giá chính xác bạn được mấy chấm nhưng theo mình, chỉ tối đa 6.5

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Hiii, mình cảm ơn góp ý của bạn nhiều nhaaa <3 Thực sự những nhận xét trên rất hữu ích luôn ý <3 Hiccc tiếc quá, mình thi xong rồi mới vào lại nên bây giờ mới thấy bình luận của bạn =((((

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