Children nowadays are not healthy and fit as the last generation children. What might be the reasons? How can it be solved?

Question

An increasingly reported number of overweight children has recently become a contentious issue. The reasons as well as possible resolutions will be discussed  below.

         To begin with, the modern lifestyle can be coined as the main culprit for children's obesity. In the first place, as both parents go to work nowadays, there is litlle time left to prepare good meals for children at home. As a result, children  usually consume  fast food, canned drinks, package products, which are, unluckily, for the most part, superficial in fat and cacbonhydrats but deficient in nutrients. Not to mention the fact that the majority of children are leading a sedentary life both at school sitting in classes  and at home in front of a digital screen such as computers or television . These two  factors creat a vicious circle, enhancing children's accumulation of fat and make them less fit than ever.

           Regarding the current situation, accordingly urgent actions are essential to preclude it from developing. Most importantly, parents should pay more attention to the nourishment of their children, either by making healthy food at home or choosing nutritious products, a stringent limit of fast food is also a necessity. Besides, children ought to be encouraged to participate in more outdoors activities such as sports or community services to burn their extra-energy and develop physically.

         Taking into consideration all the above mentioned points, a conclusion can be drawn that  obesity in children, the direct consequence of current passive lifestyle, can only be solved by improved food intake and a sufficient amount of physical locomotion.  

Answer 1

Chào Ronbin Jack,

 

Tôi tên là  Tinh Nguyen xin được góp ý bài của bạn như sau:

 

Bài của bạn nhìn chung viết khá tốt với bố cục rõ ràng, cách dùng từ rất academic (mình học được nhiều từ mới), cấu trúc câu dùng rất đa dạng.

 

Nhưng theo mình thì còn một số lỗi số ít số nhiều. Mình có gợi ý một số từ nên dùng (thay cho những từ trong bài của bạn) thì bài sẽ hay hơn, đó là ý kiến chủ quan của mình bạn có thể xem xét lại.

 

An increasingly reported number of overweight children has have recently become a contentious issue. The reasons as well as possible resolutions appraches will be discussed  below in this essay.

 

         To begin with, the modern lifestyle can be coined as the main culprit for children's obesity. In the first place, as both parents go to work nowadays, there is litlle insufficient time left to prepare good meals for children at home. As a result, children  usually consume  fast food, canned drinks, package products, which are, unluckily, for the most part, superficial in fat and cacbonhydrats (fat and carbohydrate/ fats and carbohydrates) but deficient unbalanced in nutrients. Not to mention the fact that the majority of children are leading a sedentary life both at school sitting in classes  and at home in front of a digital screen such as computers or television . These two  factors creat a vicious circle, enhancing children's accumulation of fat  energy and make  making them less fit than ever.

 

           Regarding the current situation, accordingly urgent actions are essential to preclude it from developing. Most importantly, parents should pay more attention to the nourishment of their children, either by making healthy foods at home or choosing nutritious products, a stringent limit of fast food is also a necessity. Besides, children ought to be encouraged to participate in more outdoors activities such as sports or community services to burn their extra-energy and develop physically.

 

         Taking into consideration all the above mentioned points, a conclusion can be drawn that  obesity in children, is the direct consequence of current passive lifestyle, can only could be solved by improved food intake and a sufficient amount of physical locomotion.

 

Cảm ơn vì bài viết hay của bạn!

 

Chúc bạn thành công!

 

Tinh Nguyen