Lần đầu post bài mong các bạn chiếu cố xem giúp - Children nowadays are not fit and healthy as the past generation. what might be the reasons? how can it be solved?
edited by
938 views
0 votes
0 votes
Without a doubt, children nowadays are not as healthy and fit as the children in the past. This problem can be seen through the increasing rate of obesity and diseases in present young generation. The fact that children has become less healthy and fit might be attributed to a number of impossible reasons and there also several solutions that can combat this issue.

One of the underlying causes for the problem is that children are eating more and more fast foods and carbonated drinks. Manufacturing junk food and gas drinks has become a high profitable business and almost all the junk food advertisement aimed to children. Because of eating a larger amount of fast foods which contains a lot of sugar and oil daily, many children have become overweight and obesity. Another reason for the issue is the fact that children in recent decades do less exercise. Due to the development of computers, internet, smart phones, children can sit for hours a day in one place with these equipment to chat, play video games instead of going out and attend other physical activities. Thus, they would suffer the diseases of eyes, bones and get harmful mental influences. Last but not least, many businesses, which pursue the profit goal, have provided low-quality products to the market without concern about their detrimental impacts.

There are various measures can be taken to solve this problem mentioned above. First and foremost, schools where children spend most of their time should organize more outdoor activities to encourage them to improve physical health. Events such as summer camps, sport champion ship would make children more active. Secondly, parents should educate their children from very young age about the negative impacts of junk foods and also raise their kids with a healthy and scientific daily menu. Finally, the government might take a strong action to punish businesses who provide low-quality products by apply strict regulation or rules.

To put in a nutshell, I come to conclude that children nowadays are not healthy and fit as the past generation. This phenomenon is a result of several reasons from the modern society and economy; however, there are a number of feasible solutions that can be taken to consideration to mitigate the issue.
edited by
by
0 points

Please log in or register to answer this question.

2 Answers

0 votes
0 votes

Bài bạn viết tương đối solid, tuy còn lỗi đối với:

- Sử dụng mạo từ the

- Chia động từ với danh từ số ít/ số nhiều

- Sai dạng số ít/ số nhiều của danh từ

- Chưa sử dụng and ở item cuối khi liệt kê

 

Độ phức tạp của bài viết, task response của bạn xứng đáng ở band 7 trở lên, nhưng những lỗi nhỏ như thế sẽ kéo bạn xuống band 6-6.5. Đừng để mình rơi vào hoàn cảnh vậy nữa nhé.

 

Regards

 

Tu Pham from IPP IELTS

by
35 points
0 votes
0 votes

Ngoại trừ một số lỗi cơ bản sau đây có thể làm bạn mất điểm, thì bài viết của bạn hoàn toàn thuyết phục. Tôi rất thích các dùng từ của bạn. rất chuẩn xác. Với bài này bạn có thể dành được band 7.5 hoặc 8.

- Một số chỗ bạn đã dùng thừa hoặc sai mạo từ "the"

The fact that children has là không đúng

- there also several solutions hình như sót tobe

-computers, internet, smart phones, thiếu and bạn nhé

CHúc bạn thành công

 

by
10 points

Related questions