Question

Technology is becoming increasingly prevalent in the world today. Given time, technology will completely replace the teacher in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

 Technology tend to play an Important role in the world nowadays. Some people agree that technology can replace the instructors in the classroom. In contrast, this essay i will put forward the notion that it cannot take the role of teacher in the classroom.

 Firstly, this position will be proven be the analysis of the role of teachers. Teacher trains attitude to students and soft skills which have meaning for any people when they are studying in the school. For example, when students have trouble cannot understand something out side the lesson or they feel embarrassing in some situations, teachers are the one will help them solve it through their experience.

 Secondly, the discussion of disadvantage of technology will also support the idea above. Technology may have trouble any time that we cannot control it. For detail, as we know almost technology items cannot be use without the electricity and anergy. Let’s think how the technology items work if one day we don’t have anergy or electricity? In addition, they need to keep update the information all of the time. Especially in classroom, students cannot learn the lesson that day if the information not update yet and if technology get trouble.

 By way of conclusion, i once again reaffirm my position that teachers not only have an important role in the classroom but it also cannot replaced by technology.  

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Answer 1

Nếu bạn đang viết một bài theo yêu cầu của Ielts thì bạn nên nhận ra là mình viết thiếu số lượng từ. Ielts đòi hỏi 250 words trong khi bạn chỉ có 229 words.

Bạn có khá nhiều lỗi chính tả, ví dụ:

i --> I

out side --> outside

anergy --> energy

Và mắc lỗi diễn đạt, ví dụ như:

in the school --> at school

have trouble cannot understand --> cannot understand

embarassing --> embarassed

Let’s think how the technology items work if one day we don’t have anergy or electricity? --> Đây đâu phải dạng câu hỏi đâu, và cũng không được dùng cấu trúc Let's V trong văn viết bạn ạ

Mình nghĩ bạn nên xem lại yêu cầu của văn viết (dùng câu bị động, không viết tắt ...) và ôn lại ngữ pháp.