-Some people think universities should provide knowledge and skills related to a future career, others think the true function of a university is to access to knowledge for its own sake. What is your opinion of the main function a university?

Question

MỌI NGƯỜI GIÚP MÌNH ĐÁNH GIÁ BÀI VIẾT NÀY ĐƯỢC MẤY ĐIỂM KHÔNG Ạ ?????????

Education is a important feild, which is always concerned by both the public and government, in modern society. As regardes trainning high education, some invidiuals claim that universities should focus on teaching academic knowledge while others emphaise the major function of a university is to help students to catch their major's knowledge and be practised job-related skills. In my view, I agree with the later idea for the following reasons

Firstly, it can not contradict the opinion public "university is the best road leading to succeed". University, where trains people becoming qualified employees, is more and more paying a lagre role in social development because of providing labor force following national requirements. Many students choice going on studying colleges or unviersities afer finishing high school to seek good jobs and get high living standard in the future.

However, the competition in job market causes an incresing numbers of unemployment because there is a sharp rise in the amount of workers while companies, factories etc only recuit some positions every year, so employer's requirement is difficult more. They not only assess indicate's degree but also notice skills such as presentation, teamwork, communication etc. This means that students should improve essential skills when still learning as well as universities need to pay attention to train these skills for seniors.

What will be happen if universities just concentrate on imparting knowledge? School is the same degree factory and learners become robots, not to mention people can learn by themself across online-sources. This is not the main task of a real university . In addition, workers  do not get job-realted skills difficult to promote due to any career also need to combine both knowledge and practical skills to achieve the best result

In conclusion, universities should give priority to creation chances to students be improved neccessary skills for their careers in the future in stead of only imparting theory. Importantly, learners should active in obtaining professionnal knowledge and life's skills

Answer 1

Mình có một chút nhận xét cho bạn nhé:

- Nhìn tổng thể bài của bài bạn khá là cohesion rồi đấy, ý tưởng rất tốt và cũng mạch lac nữa.

- Tuy nhiên,xem xét chi tiết thì mistakes lớn nhất của bạn chính là lỗi ngữ pháp khá nhiều. Ví dụ như câu này "others emphasize...skills". 2 động từ liên tiếp, bạn nên thêm mệnh đề quan hệ phía sau major function of university THAT/WHICH  is...Lỗi mệnh đề bạn lặp lại khá nhiều nên nếu mình là người chấm thi cũng rất dẽ nhận ra, do vậy có thể ảnh hưởng đến kết quả của bạn nhé. Thêm ví dụ nữa trong bài của bạn nhé "in addition, workers do not get job-related skills difficult....result. Caaunayf bạn đáng ra nên viết là "workers WHO do not...ARE difficult to ..."

- Lỗi thứ 2 xuất hiện cũng khá nhiều là lỗi chia động từ , ví dụ sau pay attention to Ving nhé chứ không phải V không. What will happen? chứ không phải là what will be happen?

- Một số động từ không được sử dụng chính xác: choose chứ không phải choice, recruit chứ k phải là recuit, more difficult chứ không phải là dificult nhé.

- Một điểm nữa mà theo mình nhiều người không mấy quan tâm đến là dấu câu ( nhưng cái này lại rất được coi trọng bởi người chấm IELTS). Trong bài của bạn chủ yếu là mệnh đề quan hệ không hạn định( không dùng dấu phẩy) nhưng bạn hầu như đều dung. Do đó, hãy chú ý hơn với những bài viết lần sau nhé,

Điểm mình cho bạn là 5.0

Hi vọng bài góp ý của mình có ích đối với bạn.

Comments

Mình có 1 góp ý nhỏ như sau: nếu dùng firstly thì phải có secondly và thirdly nha bạn

Answer 2

Education is an important feild, which is always concerned by both the public and government, in modern society. As regardes trainning high education, some invidiuals claim that universities should focus on teaching academic knowledge while others emphaise emphasize the major function of a university is to help students to catch their major's knowledge and be practised wrong structure job-related skills. In my view in my point of view, I agree with the later idea not clearfor the following reasons

Firstly, it can not contradict the opinion public "university is the best road leading to succeed". University, where trains people becoming into qualified employees, is more and more paying a lagre   crucial/important role in social development because of providing labor force following national requirements. (Many students choice   choose going on studying colleges or unviersities afer finishing high school to seek good jobs and get high living standard in the future.) wrong structure

However, the competition in job market causes an incresing numbers of unemployment because there is a sharp rise in the amount of workers while companies, factories etc only recuit some positions every year, so employer's requirement is more difficult more. They not only assess indicate's degree but also notice skills such as presentation, teamwork, communication etc. (This means that students should improve essential skills when still learning as well as universities need to pay attention to train these skills for seniors.) wrong struture

What will be happen if universities just concentrate on imparting knowledge  check collocation? A School is the same degree factory   check collocation and learners become robots, not to mention people can learn by themself across online-sources. This is not the main task of a real university . In addition, workers who do not get job-realted skills difficult to promote due to any career also need to combine (combine with)both knowledge and practical skills to achieve the best result

In conclusion, (universities should give priority to creation chances to students be improved neccessary skills for their careers in the future in stead of only imparting theory) wrong struture. Importantly, learners should active in obtaining professionnal knowledge and life's skills.

 

Comments

degree factory, impart knowledge là những cụm từ mình lấy ở quyển dạy " marvelous techniques for ielts wrting", nếu những từ này không phải collocation thì quyển sách đấy có đáng tin để học không?

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Có thì tốt rồi, ko sao bạn cứ dùng nhưng minh khuyên bạn nên học cách dùng trước khi sử dụng nha.
Sincerely

Answer 3

Education is a important feild field, which is always concerned by both the public and government, không có dấu phấy như trạng ngữ trong ngữ pháp TV đâu bạnin modern society. As regardes As regard totrainning high education, some invidiuals claim that universities should focus on teaching academic knowledge while others emphaise emphasizethe major function of a university is to help students to catch their major's knowledge and be practise practisejob-related skills. In my view, I agree with the later idea for the following reasons

Firstly, it can not contradict can't be deniedthe opinion public "university is the best road leading to succeed". University, where trains people becoming to becomequalified employees, is more and more paying a lagre largerole in social development because of providing labor force following national requirements. Many students choice going on studying choose to attendcolleges or unviersities afer finishing high school to seek good jobs and get high living standard in the future.

However, the competition in job market causes an incresing numbers of unemployment because there is a sharp rise in the amount of workers applicants while companies, factories etc only recuit some positions every year, so employer's requirement is difficult more more difficult. They not only assess indicate's degree but also notice skills such as presentation, teamwork, communication etc. This means that students should improve essential skills when still learning as well as universities need to pay attention to train these skills for seniors.

What will be happen happen if universities just concentrate on imparting knowledge? School is the same degree factory and learners become robots, not to (bỏ) mention people who can learn by themself themselves across online-sources. This is not the main task of a real university . In addition, workers do not get job-realted skills difficult to promote due to any career also need to combine both knowledge and practical skills workers with less job-related skills find it dificult to get promoted because any career needs a combination of knowledge and practical skillsto achieve the best result

In conclusion, universities should give priority to creation chances to students be improved to improveneccessary skills for their careers in the future in stead of only imparting theory. Importantly, learners should be active in obtaining professionnal knowledge and life's skills

Comments

cảm ơn bạn nhiều lắm

Answer 4

Mình có một chút nhận xét cho bạn nhé:

- Nhìn tổng thể bài của bài bạn khá là cohesion rồi đấy, ý tưởng rất tốt và cũng mạch lac nữa.

- Tuy nhiên,xem xét chi tiết thì mistakes lớn nhất của bạn chính là lỗi ngữ pháp khá nhiều. Ví dụ như câu này "others emphasize...skills". 2 động từ liên tiếp, bạn nên thêm mệnh đề quan hệ phía sau major function of university THAT/WHICH  is...Lỗi mệnh đề bạn lặp lại khá nhiều nên nếu mình là người chấm thi cũng rất dẽ nhận ra, do vậy có thể ảnh hưởng đến kết quả của bạn nhé. Thêm ví dụ nữa trong bài của bạn nhé "in addition, workers do not get job-related skills difficult....result. Caaunayf bạn đáng ra nên viết là "workers WHO do not...ARE difficult to ..."

- Lỗi thứ 2 xuất hiện cũng khá nhiều là lỗi chia động từ , ví dụ sau pay attention to Ving nhé chứ không phải V không. What will happen? chứ không phải là what will be happen?

- Một số động từ không được sử dụng chính xác: choose chứ không phải choice, recruit chứ k phải là recuit, more difficult chứ không phải là dificult nhé.

- Một điểm nữa mà theo mình nhiều người không mấy quan tâm đến là dấu câu ( nhưng cái này lại rất được coi trọng bởi người chấm IELTS). Trong bài của bạn chủ yếu là mệnh đề quan hệ không hạn định( không dùng dấu phẩy) nhưng bạn hầu như đều dung. Do đó, hãy chú ý hơn với những bài viết lần sau nhé,

Comments

Cảm ơn những góp ý chi tiết của bạn,

Answer 5

Mình ko phải là examiner nên ko cho điểm bạn được, nhưng mình có một số hóp ý như sau

Education is a important feild, ( chỗ này bạn có thể thay of paramount importance) which is always concerned by both the public and government, in modern society. As regardes ( As regards to) trainning high education -> ( high education training) , some invidiuals claim that universities should focus on teaching academic knowledge while others emphaise  (emphasize)the major function of a university is to help students to catch their major's knowledge ( accumulate /gain the knowledge of their major) and be practised job-related skills. ( câu này mình nghĩ sv là người thực hành nên để bị động là sai, có thể sửa thành create oppotunities for students to gain practical skills) In my view, I agree with the later idea for the following reasons

Firstly, it can not (cannot)contradict the opinion public "university is the best road leading to succeed". University, where trains people becoming qualified employees, is more and more paying a lagre role in social development because of providing labor force following national requirements. (lỗi ngữ pháp, không hiểu ý bạn viết gì) Many students choice (choise là một danh từ -> choose) going on studying colleges or unviersities ( mình chưa bao giờ thấy cụm này: bạn có thể sửa thành: many students decide to go to universities) afer finishing high school to seek good jobs and get high living standard in the future. (get là một từ informal ko nên dùng trong writing ielts: bạn nên sửa to thành in order to)

However, the competition in job market causes an incresing numbers of unemployment because there is a sharp rise in the amount of workers while companies, factories etc only recuit some positions every year, so employer's requirement is difficult more. They not only assess indicate's degree but also notice skills such as presentation, teamwork, communication etc. This means that students should improve essential skills when still learning as well as universities need to pay attention to train these skills for seniors.

What will be happen if universities just concentrate on imparting knowledge? School is the same degree factory and learners become robots, not to mention people can learn by themself across online-sources. This is not the main task of a real university . In addition, workers  do not get job-realted skills difficult to promote due to any career also need to combine both knowledge and practical skills to achieve the best result

In conclusion, universities should give priority to creation chances to students be improved neccessary skills for their careers in the future in stead of only imparting theory. Importantly, learners should active in obtaining professionnal knowledge and life's skills

Answer 6

Gợi ý cho mở  bài của bạn nhé:
Educators nowadays pay more attention on work-based knowledge than event. This tendency is testified by a number of practical skills designed exclusively tốt gratuates. While Some people might argue thấy this trend just distracts universities from their original purpose of accessing knowledge tốt their own benefits, i totally agree with universities choice of action