IELTS Task2_ These days everyone seems to have more and more possession (eg computers, cars, mobile phones, etc...). our strong desire to own these things is making us less aware of important personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Question

Now, we are living in an era of globalization and digital technology. The majority of people want to have more and more personal belongings such as computers, cars or mobile phones. I however believe that these material things may make them become less concerned about other people. There are two primary reasons for this.

First of all, there has been a significant increase in the number of rich people. Because of working hard and having a lot of money, they need to be fully appreciated by the others. Moreover, some believe that luxury possessions can show their status, and make them famous. As a result, many people will become egocentric rather than generous.

Another reason for influence of consumerism on our behavior is that people will lack of face to face communication. Since the fast-paced development, modern tools help people to connect easily and quickly to each other around the world. For example, everyone can talk and chat online through Skype, Facebook by using mobile phone or a computer with internet. Additionally, people may spend too much time on these things. Therefore, they actually don't have time to have real communication and become less care about the others.

After discussing all the points mentioned about, i finally conclude that people can become more selfish because of our desire for material things. we cannot deny the certain benefits of possessions, but we should use them effectively, and make our life better with love and care.

Answer 1

Hi hanghah,

Idea rat hay nhưng minh có một số góp ý :

1. Ko nên dùng now o đâu câu - mà den dung nowadays

2. However nen dung giua thi phai co 2 dau phay

3 modern tool - modern device

That's all

Chuc ban thanh cong

Answer 2

MĨnh nghĩ the majority of people là singular nên want phải thêm s (mình biết dù chỉ nhiều người nhưng the majority là chỉ một group nên khi bạn chỉ group chứ đâu chỉ nhiều người được) , mình nghĩ thế

Luxurous possessions----

the influence of consumerism

"lack of face to face communication" theo mình bạn nên dùng là "lack for" vì nếu "lack of" thì lack thường là Noun chứ không phải Verb, còn nếu bạn dùng nó như verb thì nên lack for hoặc  " will be lack of" 

internet: the Internet vì nó dùng như một Noun, mà từ này nếu là Noun thì phải có "the" còn "internet" thì là Adv nên cái nào bạn không như trên thì nên sửa (ví dụ: the Internet <> internet banking)

Không nên dùng những từ We, our vì mang tính nhóm cá nhân chứ không phải đánh giá khách quan 

Answer 3

Now, we are living in an era of globalization and digital technology. The majority of people want to have more and more personal ownership such as computers, cars or mobile phones.Howover, I believe that these material things may make them become less concerned about other people. There are two primary reasons for this.

 

First of all, there has been a significant increase in the number of rich people. Because of working hard and having a lot of money, they need to be fully appreciated by the others. Moreover, some believe that luxury possessions can show their status, and make them famous. As a result, many people will become egocentric rather than concern for community. ( sau giới từ không dùng tính từ)

 

Another reason for influence of consumerism on our behavior is that people will lack of face to face communication. Since the fast-paced development, modern tools help people to connect easily and quickly to each other person around the world. For example, everyone can talk and chat online through Skype, Facebook by using mobile phone or a computer with internet. Additionally, people may spend too much time on these things. Therefore, they actually don't have time to have real communication and become less care about the others.

 

After discussing all the points mentioned about, i finally conclude that people can become more selfish because of our desire for material things. we cannot deny the certain benefits of possessions, but we should use them effectively, and make our life better with love and care.

Answer 4

Đề này rộng quá nên khó mà trình bày súc tích được.

Các vấn đề về từ vựng, ngữ pháp đã có người nói rồi, nên mình chỉ xin góp ý nho nhỏ chỗ nội dung thôi. Mình thấy là hai luận điểm của mình đưa ra có ý nhưng diễn đạt chưa tới, làm mình cảm thấy bị confused.

Mình nghĩ diễn đạt và lập luận theo hướng này nghe sẽ dễ hiểu hơn:

Reason 1: People want more possession -> They will do whatever they can do to achieve those things, even if what they do really hurts others emotionally or physically -> They lack kindness and empathy.

Reason 2: People are no longer engage themselves in face-to-face communication and isolate themselves from the surroundings -> They become more egocentric --> Lack of cares and concerns for others.

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