IELTS TASK 1 - RATE OF SMOKING IN SOMELAND [closed]

Question

The graph illustrates the percentages of both genders who smoked in Someland in the period from 1960 to 2000. It can be seen from the chart that the rate of men who smoked in Someland was always higher than women in this period.

At the first glance, the rate of males who smoked in Someland wetnessed a significantly decreasing trend. To be more prease, in the first year of time the percentage of men who smoked in Someland a counted for the highest rate between both genders at 600, and declined evenly to 390 in 1985. In the next five years, the rate of both genders who smoked in Someland continued seeing a decreasing trend, from 400 to 380 and 300 to 280. Noticeably, there was a dramaticall drop in the rate of men who smoked in Someland from 380 to 250 in ten years of the period.

On the other hand, the rate of woman who smoked in someland in this period wetnessed a reverse trend. In the first year of the time, the percentage of females who smoked in Someland made up the lowest rate of 90 before increasing to over three times in 1975 to 310. From 1975 to 1990 the rate was stable at around 310. Like wise, in the next ten years of the period the rate of women who smoked in Someland continued decreasing and finished at 200.

Answer 1

The graph illustrates the percentages of both genders who smoked in Someland smoking in Someland in over the period from 1960 to 2000. It can be seen from the chart that the rate of men who smoked in Someland  (bị lặp cấu trúc) was always higher than that of women in this period the same time. (2 đối tượng so sánh khác nhau)

At the first glance, the rate proportion (trên dùng rate rồi) of males who smoked in Someland wetnessed witnessed a significantly decreasing trend. To be more prease precise, in the first year of time the period the percentage of men who smoked in Someland a counted for the highest rate between both genders at 600 (ko có dấu phẩy) and declined evenly to 390 in 1985. In the next five years, the rate of both genders who smoked in Someland continued seeing a decreasing trend, from 400 to 380 and 300 to 280. Noticeably, there was a dramaticalL drop in the rate of men who smoked in Someland from 380 to 250 in ten years of the period shown.

On the other hand, the rate of woman women who smoked in Someland in this period wetnessed witnessed a reverse trend. In the first year of the time period, the percentage of females who smoked in Someland made up the lowest rate of 90 before increasing to over three times in 1975 to 310. From 1975 to 1990 the rate was stable at around 310. Likewise, in the next ten years of the period, the rate of women who smoked in Someland continued decreasing and finished at 200.

(Bài viết mắc rất nhiều lỗi về lặp từ, lặp cấu trúc ngữ pháp. Mình nghĩ bạn nên đọc văn mẫu nhiều hơn nữa)

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