Mọi người chữa cho em với :(( Em cảm ơn . Task 2 : Zoos

Question

Topic : Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivities for instance in the zoo. Other people say that there are benefits for these animals and human. Discuss both sides of this debate and give your personal view.

 

Many years ago, meeting demand for entertainment, education of people, a large number of zoos built rapidly. Many people believe that animals should live in nature while others think Wildlife Park brings a tremendous amount of benefit for both them and human. Those arguments are challenging issue and have both advantages and disadvantages.

Firstly, there is no denying that zoos play an important role in wildlife conservation. As statistics suggest, the number of wild animals in danger of extinction is increasing rapidly due to many reasons such as changing environment, an encroaching forest of the human. Therefore, zoos are  useful places where many scientists study and remain breeds of rare animals. In addition, no sooner had zoos built than a large number of people had jobs such as zookeeper. Moreover, especially, children could learn about nature and wildlife, which is the way to teach them protect the environment and prohibit all acts of hunting animals.

However, many people argue that animals should live in a natural environment instead of any captivity because those places will make them lose their instinct such as hunting food. It would be better to save endangered species by protecting their natural habitats. Besides, we have no right to use animals for entertainment. As newspapers show that, many enterprises build zoos with the aim of making a profit instead of protecting and developing in careful standards.

In conclusion, I am in favor that we should keep animals in zoos because it brings many effective aspects of researching, protecting and developing endangered species.

Answer 1

Many years ago (In recent years), meeting demand for entertainment, education of people, a large number of zoos have been built rapidly for the purpose of entertainmant, education for people. Many people believe that animals should live in nature (natural environment) while others think zoos brings a tremendous amount of benefits for both them and human. Those These arguments opinions are (still) challenging controversial issues and they have both advantages and disadvantages.

Firstly, there is no denying that zoos play an important role in wildlife conservation. As statistics (if you use this word, you should give some datas to demonstrate) suggest, the number of wild animals (species) in danger of extinction is increasing rapidly (you can use synonym "very quickly" to avoid repeating words ) due to many reasons such as changing environment, an encroaching forest of the human. (you should explain detail with each reason and notice parallel structures)Therefore, zoos are  useful places where many scientists study and remain breeds (you check the usage of this word, I'm not sure about that) of rare animals. In addition, no sooner had zoos been built than a large number of people had jobs such as zookeeper, security guards (maybe). Moreover, especially, children could learn about nature and wildlife habits of different species, which is the a good way to teach them to (teach so to do sth)protect the environment and prohibit all (most) acts of hunting animals. 

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Comments

dạ em cảm ơn ạ . Em đang tập viết nên rât mong anh chị sửa giúp em ạ

Cho em hỏi cái đoạn As satistics suggest liệu có nên dùng trong IELTS không ạ, nói bừa số liệu có bị trừ điểm không ạ , Em cảm ơn ạ ^^

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Answer 2

Mình cũng mới học viết, bạn tham khảo nhé :) về ideas thì mình cũng kém nên ..... :P 

Many years ago, meeting human's demands in entertainment, education, a large number of zoos built rapidly. Many people believe that animals should live in nature while others think Wildlife Park brings a tremendous amount of benefit for both animals and human. Those arguments are challenging issue and have both advantages and disadvantages.

1."them" -> nên thay bằng "animals" ( them dễ gây hiểu nhầm là thay thế cho "others" phía trước).

Firstly, there is undeniable that zoos play an important role in wildlife conservation. Arcording to statistics, the number of wild animals in danger of extinction is increasing rapidly due to many reasons such as enviromental change, human being's deforestation . Therefore, zoos are considered  useful places where many scientists study that it remain breeds of rare and precious animals. In addition, no sooner had zoos built than a large number of people had jobs such as zookeeper. Moreover, especially, children could learn about nature and wildlife, which is one of  the best  way to teach them how to protect the environment and prohibit (prevent) against  hunting activities.

However, many people argue that animals should live in natural environment instead of any captivity ( wildlife sanctuary) because those places will make them (bỏ) lose their instinct such as hunting food (food hunting). It would be better to save endangered species by protecting their natural habitats. Besides, we have no right to use animals for entertainment. Some newspapers show that, many enterprises build zoos with the aim of making a profit instead of protecting and developing in careful standards

In conclusion, I am in favor that we should keep animals in zoos , because it brings many effective aspects of researching, protecting and developing endangered species.