writing task 2 - causes and solutions: Unemployment [closed]

Question

Unemployment

Unemployment is a topic that causes concern for people in many countries including Vietnam. It is often discussed that why the unemployment rate of those who have bachelor’s degrees is 3 times higher than that of those who study in vocational schools only. There are a number of reasons for this situation, and several solutions to deal with it.

There are several reasons for the undesirable unemployment rate of highly educated people in recent years. Firstly, the standard of education in Vietnamese universities is considered low quality, and cannot meet the demand of employers. According to recent research, the national curriculum consists of theory but education lacks practicality, soft skills and social skills that help students prepare for their future career. Besides, enrollment choices in colleges do not match the demand of the labor market, which results in degree inflation. Let’s take accounting for example, thousands of students are enrolled in accounting course yet employer’s demand for this major is extremely low. In addition, the crucial reason for this situation is the misconception amongst young people regarding college diplomas. Young adults tend to take an entrance examination immediately after completing high school because of their parent’s belief that having a child graduate university will bring their family respect, regardless of the choice of major.

Therefore, measures must be taken to improve this adverse situation. It is necessary for the education sector and the labor market to co-operate in order to solve two in three problem listed above. Once universities cooperate with employers, not only will job seekers know the essential qualities to give them an edge in competition, but also the number of student recruited for majors can be adjusted relative to the demands of the market. Furthermore, taking a gap year before studying in college can give young people an opportunity to figure out what they are passionate about and truly want to do in future.

In conclusion, only by addressing the root causes will the unemployment rate be reduced.

Answer 1

You did not quout the topic of the writing, which made it hard for me to have some comments on yours.

However, this is my general view.

On the Introduction part :

1. Its is often discussed that why unemployment....=> It is often discussed why.... ( "that" should be ommitted)

2. You should never write "3 times" on an IELST Academic Essay, it is not considered formal and can decrease your grades quite a lot. Instead, you'd better write "three times".

The ending part seems too short and not relevant with the Introduction. Moreover, it doesn't re-collect all the necessary informations on your essays.

However, your grammar, vocabulary and ideas are quite good.

Good luck and have a nice day ;)