Đề IELTS Task 2 ngày 27/6/2015 - People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions? [closed]

Question

Đây là bài của mình mong các bạn nhận xét :D
 

In the today’s society, there is a number of people who are afraid of unsafeness either at home or not. While several reasons for this, solutions can be adopted to resolve the problem.

 

On the one hand, there are several causes can be given to justify the unsafeness. Firstly, the increasingly gap between the rich and the poor and the high unemployment rate in out society can be precursors for crimes to be happened. An indigent person who is unemployed may think about committing a crime to have money such as a robbery, regardless of the safe of innocents.The second reason is that drivers have to face several threats while they are driving. Some over speed drivers can cause serious accidents that pose a threat to the lives of other people.

 

On the other hand, measures should be tackled to cope with this phenomenon. Primarily, the legal system should be fortified. Some strict punishments could be an effective barrier to prevent offenders from their illegal activities. For instance, serial killers should be sentenced to death to protect innocent individuals. Another solution can be campaigns to raise awareness of drivers to ensure the safeness on the road. The high driving awareness makes the vehicle controllers limit the speed while driving. Thus, this may lead to the decrease of accidental cases and relieve the health care system from the high demand for medical treatment as well.

 

In conclusion, there are many reasons why people have the feeling of unsafeness, and solutions needed to resolve the problem.

 

254 words

Answer 1

Firstly, the increasingly gap between the rich and the poor and the high unemployment rate in out society can be precursors for crimes to be happened

Lỗi be happened bạn ơi, happen là nội động từ mà :)

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bài bạn viết tốt.... cá nhân mình cũng chỉ mong vậy thôi :3

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ý kiến cá nhân của mình thôi, nếu không đồng ý thì give a feedback cho mình nhé :)

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn đã nhận xét, đúng là chỗ đấy là happen. Sau khi tự xem lại thì thấy bài của mình có khá nhiều chỗ sai ngáo ngáo :( increasing gap nữa, với chỗ another solution ... cứ thấy điêu điêu thế nào ý