Bài WRITING IELTS TASK 2- Mình là thành viên mới, mong mọi người góp ý giúp mình. Cảm ơn rất nhiều ạ .

Question

Topic: In some countries,students must pay tuition for university & college.In some others, government pay it.Do the advantages of using government money for universities & colleges outweigh the disadvantages?

There are some countries that student pay education fee for university and college while in some others, government do that. In my view, it has more advantages of providing subsidy for higher education than disadvantages.
In the one side,that sts mustn't pay for their tuition at university or college means their parents dont have to shell out for this and then they can save money for other purposes such as furniture or vehicle and improve their living standard. Besides, students who was born in poor family will not have to find a part-time job to earn money or go straight to work after graduating high school. It means that learning chances are opened and students can spend more time on studying to get higher result. Moreover, spend money for students tuition helps improve the workforce's quality by giving all citizens chance of education.
In the other side, using money of government for higher education has some negative effects. First of all, sts can become dependent on government aid and do not respect their learning opportunity by help from the State. They may be passive and lack of spirit in learning or taking part in any extra activity so that it causes many bad habits in studying process. In addition, investing money for education can lead to state budget deficit and dont have enough money for other necessities such as hopital, economy...
To sum up, it is more benefits for students and government of using subsidy for higher education outweigh drawbacks.

Answer 1

1/Paragraph 1-câu 1: dùng that là sai mà phải dùng in which hoặc là where, cũng câu đó, students phải dùng số nhiều.

2/Paragraph 2-cầu: On the on hand, sts musnt' dont't ect... bạn cần lưu ý là trong văn viết không được phép viết tắt như thế này, mà bạn dùng từ musn't ở câu đầu tiên cũng sai nữa, ngữ cảnh đó thì dùng, do not have to or, are not obligated to...rất nhiều cách kháckhác.

3/ Paragraph 3- câu 2: poors students who were born, not was, families phải dùng số nhiều, paralleism

4/Paragraph 3-câu 4: sai ngữ pháp, phải dùng noun as subject, cho nên hoặc dùng spending hoặc thay bằng noun khác

5/ Paragraph 4-Câu 1: on the other hand

6/ Paragraph 4- câu 2: lỗi parallelism

7/Paragraph 4- câu cuối: tương tự như những lỗi trên dùng từ tắt, sai paralleism, diễn đạt lủng củng.

8/ Paragraph 5: it is more beneficial.

 

Nói chung, là bài của bạn bị sai ngữ pháp cơ bản quá nhiều, cho dù task reponse và coherence co tốt đi nữa (mà trong trường hợp này thì cũng chỉ tương đối) thì điểm cũng không thể cao được. Bạn cố gắng khắc phục nhé.

Comments

cảm ơn góp ý của bạn, cho m hỏi sao k được dùng on the one side and on the other side mà phải là hand :)

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Bạn muốn dùng side cũng vẫn được, nhưng phải là on the one side, trong bài bạn dùng in, vậy là sai. Tuy nhiên phrase này rất ít ai dùng, để an toàn bạn cứ dùng hand.

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ok, cảm ơn bạn nhiều, hihi