Moi nguoi sua bai dum minh voi nhe.Minh cam on nhieu lam :D

Question

Some poor students and students from rural areas find it difficult to get access to university.Therefore,university should make it especially easy for people from these backgrounds.In what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Some people suggest that universities should pave a way for impoverished students and students from remote areas to gain easier access to study there.In my opinion,I am strongly convinced with this idea for advantages for those students and its good nature.

On the one hand,those students have been deprived favorable rights.To take teenagers in underdeveloped regions as an example,they have to overcome a long distance to go to school.Futhermore,they study under out-of-day facilities,rarely contact and study with modern devices and teachers are in shortage as well.They are usually hungry when getting to school.For some students,they must help parents work in paddy fields and extra work after school.

On the other hand,more convenient access creates equal opportunities for all students. First,there are often a distinction between rich and poor students,so needy students feel shy in class cannot discover fully their potential.Second,this policy certainly makes a fair society,which encourages more and more underprivileged students to attend universities that they had thought it impossible before.Thirdly,it will lead to positive competitiveness between colleges.In this day companies and enterprives highly regard and recruit talented and qualified students regardless of their financial status.

In a nutshell,I think there should be more more courageous policies for needy students.

 

Answer 1

In general, your essay is quite good, you use the high level of vocabulary, it is academic as well like "impoverished students", "remote areas." 

But some points that I am not sure it is correct, for instance: 

=> convinced with sth for sth : the adj "convinced" also its verb form usually go with the preposition "of" or "that". I don't think you use convinced with the preposition "with" and "for" is correct.

I am convinced that.... or I am convinced of, for example

=> "I am strongly convinced with this idea for advantages for those students and its good nature".  I think this sentence is not fine because the reader definately encounter difficuties to understand and the words "good nature" is might not accurate in this case. I will rewrite this sentence: I strongly argee with this idea because it offers tremendous benefits to those students"

=> Deprive sb + of sth, "favourable right" what it means ??? I dont't think the "right" can go with "favourable"

=> Futhermore: Furthermore

=> must help parents =. must help their parents

=> extra work => do extra work

=> there are => there is

=> feel shy => who feel shy

=> it impossible => it is impossible

=> enterprives => enterprises

=> highly regard => regard highly

=> more more => more and more

 

Comments

cam on ban nhieu nhe :)

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Futhermore -> Furthermore

devices --> devices, hai mệnh đề phối hợp nên được chia ra bằng dấu phẩy, để cho ý rõ nét

On the one hand, those students have been deprived favorable rights. To take teenagers in underdeveloped regions as an example, they have to overcome a long distance to go to school. Furthermore, they study under out-of-day facilities, rarely contact and study with modern devices, and teachers are in shortage as well. They are usually hungry when getting to school. For some students, they must help parents work in paddy fields and extra work after school.   

On the other hand --> lặp lại ở trên

enterprives --> enterprises

First, there are --> there is danh từ số ít yêu cầu hình thức số ít của động từ 

In this day  -> On this day

On the other hand, more convenient access creates equal opportunities for all students. First, there is often a distinction between rich and poor students, so needy students feel shy in class cannot discover fully their potential. Second, this policy certainly makes a fair society, which encourages more and more underprivileged students to attend universities that they had thought it impossible before. Thirdly, it will lead to positive competitiveness between colleges. On this day, companies and enterprises highly regard and recruit talented and qualified students regardless of their financial status. 

In a nutshell, I think there should be more courageous policies for needy students.   

 

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ma ban oi highly regard doi thanh regard highly hinh nhu ko dung lam

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thanhphoquynhon:theo minh thi one the one hand la noi 1 mat cua van de con on the other hand la mat khac cua van de chu khong phai lap lai :)

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"ma ban oi highly regard doi thanh regard highly hinh nhu ko dung lam" -- tui dau co sua lai nhu vay dau

Answer 2

mình nghĩ bạn có thể tham khảo bài này nah bạn  :

It is believed that students who come from low income family background or remote areas find some difficulties in continuing their undergraduate and graduate studies, therefore it is suggested that college and universities should provide special pathways for them. To a certain points, I would agree with the statement, but there should be additional requirements that these students must fulfill, and the following essay will discuss about it in details.

 

On the one hand, many students who come from a poor family or live in a rural area found some difficulties in entering universities. It is mostly due to the low quality of secondary education. The low class students could only enroll low quality schools, while for those who live in remote areas, they are taught by junior teachers, who are still gaining some teaching experiences. As a result, they could not get the maximum quality education that they should get, and could not compete with other students when they participate in the registration test for entering universities. Therefore, it is suggested that post secondary institutions should allocate some seats and provide some subsidy for them.

 

However, despite of the special pathways, the institutions should provide some entry tests and academic background checking for these students. Universities must ensure that these students have some potential and eagerness to learn, and they have good academic score in their secondary school studies, therefore the allocated seats and subsidized funds would not be a waste. This filter is a must, since many of these students are entering universities but they are serious in learning and studying.

 

In conclusion, it is a fact that students from low economy background or live in rural areas find difficulties in entering post secondary schools. Many people suggested that these institutions should give special pathways for them. I do agree with the statement, but some test should be given to these students, therefore only those who are serious in studying will be enrolled.

 

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