In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should they be punished?

Question

Dao nay minh ban qua gio moi viet duoc bai. Nhung van mong su gop y tu cac ban

 

The increasing  number of teenagers involves in criminal activity has  currently been a cause of concern. In my opinion, there are various reasons leading to this problem, and some possible solutions need to be taken to combat the issue.

First of all, parents are too busy earning money without caring about their role of looking after the children. Therefore, youngsters who lack  education and supervision from parents are more likely to be tempted and commit crimes. Secondly, with the development of excessive media, young people have better  access to the Internet and television, and they tend to imitate violent behaviours from movies. To be more specific, for young people who enjoy such films eventually lose their sense of reality  and no longer take crimes as violence seriously, which may lead to their illegal actions. Finally, because of being born in a poor family, many teenagers  engage in criminal activities so that they can have money to satisfy necessary demands themselves.

There are several possible solution that can be taken to migitate this problemss. The goverment can impose stricter law on fining young people being guilty. In addition, community services  should be given to teenagers.For example, many vocal training centre in Viet Nam was established to create jobs for poor and orphaned children and help them  to become good citizens. More importantly,  parents play an important role in teaching children and provide more safe and supportive environment for children to grow up

In conclusion, I think that the growth of  crimes among teenagers  has been a worrying trend, which causes negative impacts on society and individuals.Therefore, this problems must be tackled soon because of our future young generation.

Answer 1

Chào bạn. Nội dung bài ổn, cấu trúc bài rõ ràng. Có đôi chỗ hành văn mình chữa lại một chút. Đoạn kết bài bạn không nên dùng 'our' vì như vậy vô hình chung đánh đồng bạn với người đọc, làm giảm sức thuyết phục & nhận định khách quan của bài viết. Bài của bạn mình sửa ở đây. Chúc bạn may mắn!

An increasing number of teenagers involved in criminal activity has raised concerns in modern society. In my opinion, various social problems cause this rise in juvenile crime. However, there are a few solutions that promise to put an end to this issue.

First of all, parents occupy themselves with their jobs and give less attention to their children. Therefore, young people without sufficient education and supervision from their parents are more likely to be tempted by criminals and commit crime. Secondly, modern technology gives them easy access to the Internet and television, from which they learn violent behaviours. Young people who enjoy violent films eventually develop a twisted sense of reality and moral codes, which may lead them to commit illegal actions. Finally, poverty induces many teenagers to engage in criminal activities to satisfy their needs or help their families.

Several solutions could be taken to migitate this problems. The goverment can impose stricter sentence on juvenile offenders. Community services  should be given to teenagers as a means to teach them about social values and help them reintegrate in the community.For example, vocal training centres in Viet Nam were established to create jobs for poor and orphaned children and help them  to become good citizens (2 câu này không ăn nhập gì với nhau). More importantly,  parents must play an active role in educating their children and providing a safe and supportive environment for them to grow up.

In conclusion, the growth of  crimes among teenagers creates negative impacts on society and individuals.Therefore, this issue must be tackled to prevent further damage to future generation.

Comments

Many thanks for correcting. Hope you will help me.

Answer 2

bài bạn viết tốt ak. cỡ 6.5 rồi ak

There are several possible solutions that can be taken to migitate this problems. The government can impose stricter law on fining young people being guilty. In addition, community services  should be given to teenagers.For example, many vocal training centre in Viet Nam was established to create jobs for poor and orphaned children and help them  to become good citizens. More importantly,  parents play an important role in teaching children and provide safer and more supportive environment for children to grow up

Answer 3

bài viết khá ổn, sử dụng được khá nhiều uncomment words nhưng góp ý tí về 1 vài lỗi chính tả

There are several possible solution that can be taken to migitate(mitigate) this problemss(problems)