What factors contributes to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Question

As most people spend a major part of their adult life ar work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.

What factors contributes to job satisfaction?

How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

In this modern world, most grown ups spend huge amount of time for their job. Therefore, jobsatisfation plays a very important role in evaluating the quality of life and this could be caused by numerous factors.

The first thing I would like to mention is that the average salary is one of the most impertant parts contributing to job satisfaction as the higher the payment rate, the happier the workers seem to be because when they get more money, those people can upgrade their living standard and ensure a better life for their families. A study conducted in a local university has pointed out that employees who had pay rises and promotion were more likely to evaluate their working satisfaction is "excellent" or "good" while others whose salary was fixed and low were not fulfilled and gave their answers as "bad" or even "terrible". More over, hobby is aslo an essential factor because when people chose the job that is related to their hobbies or activities that they love they usually show more enthusiasm and passion and as a result, the job fulfillment index of those people are often the highest.

Unfortunately, not everyone can have their dream job and all workers have their job expectation fullfilled  is imposible. First and foremost, during this period of unstable economy, it is extremely vital for people to work hard and perform thier best work in order to keep their job so workers hvae to undergo high pressure and might suffer stress and psychological diseases, which is not the idea of a satisfied job. Another thing I would like to say is that people are mostly greedy and have their hopes so high which is hard to meet as when one demand is offered, they would probably have another one and their expectation seems to be endless.

Overall, it is essential for employers to offer their workers' job fulfillment in order to maintain a comfortable workplace and individuals are also need to have realistic expectation to ensure a better lifestyle

 

Mọi người giúp em chữa bài, nếu chấm đc thì càng tốt. Em cảm ơn <3

Answer 1

"..as the higher the payment rate, the happier the workers seem to be because when they get more money, those people can upgrade their living standard and ensure a better life for their families." mình nghĩ câu này nên tách thành hai câu để làm rõ nghĩa hơn. Bạn gặp lỗi này rất nhiều trong bài, đặc biệt là ở đoạn 3, câu quá dài và sử dụng luân phiên những từ chỉ lí do như "as/because", việc này mình nghĩ chỉ làm lặp cấu trúc câu, chứ không thể hiện được vốn từ của bạn, đọc lại rất dễ bị rối (đối với riêng mình :( )

"..and (that) all workers have their job expectation fullfilled is imposible"

"..and individuals are also need to have realistic expectation to ensure a better lifestyle" mình nghĩ nên dùng từ while thay vì and, bởi đây là hai đối tượng tương đương mà bạn đã nhắm đến trong bài. Và từ and bạn cũng đã dùng khá nhiều, nên mình nghĩ nên thay đổi.