Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how we reduce it?

Question

On over the world, many people are always finding out the best purpose to get success for their life, so stress is a major problem to everyone. In everyday we all experience stress in many different aspects of our activities: at school, at home, at work and even in the sports activities also stress, stress always existes around us. Stress can affect the physical and mental. Therefore, we have to find the best way to reduce it.

The modern life makes us become busier with everything. First of all, with changing climate environment in outside, people usually face up with bad weather, sound, traffic, pollution. Surely, these are  factors increase tiredness, exhaustion. As a result, they could gradually affect our life, and the next generations. Secondly, the stress starts between social and family. For example, students try to study to get a high score and understand all lessons at school. At company, everyone feels tired in  the duration of the work because it has to be completed on time. Moreover, we are not only anxious about society problem, but also ensuring family’s finance. Psychological problems always lived with a negative attitude. This will keep you in a state of loss of confidence, depressed and tired born to then lead to stress-minded.

Reducing stress is not easy to people, but we know how to control about the physical and mental. People maintain exercise or play sport regularly. Exercise helps you become stronger and your negative feelings will be relieved somewhat through muscle activity. Futhermore, maintaining a diet and sleep regulation, this seems difficult because of the stress, sometimes you really do not want to eat and sleep. However, remember that the eating and sleeping will help you restore the health and stronger in solving your problems. Then, people take reward themselves after hours of study and work stress by going to the movies, listening to music, shopping, eating out, gather friends, traveling, etc. do what makes you feel the most stable.

In conclusion, although there are many factors exist around us which lead to stress, we can reduce it by other ways.

Answer 1

In everyday we all experience stress in many different aspects of our activities: at school, at home, at work and even in the sports activities also stress, stress always existes around us. => Kết hợp ý chưa rõ

we are not only anxious about society problem, but also ensuring family’s finance.  => sử dụng cấu trúc chưa thật sự hòa hợp giữa hai vế

Reducing stress is not easy to people => Not easy for SB to ST

Exercise helps you become stronger and your negative feelings will be relieved somewhat through muscle activity => sai kết hợp sau "and "

Futhermore, maintaining a diet and sleep regulation, this seems difficult because of the stress, sometimes you really do not want to eat and sleep => lặp maintain, difficult, regulation ( regularly) ở những câu trước. Câu văn diễn tả chưa rõ ý ( Văn nói : really)

Then, people take reward themselves after hours of study and work stress by going to the movies, listening to music, shopping, eating out, gather friends, traveling, etc. do what makes you feel the most stable. ( Cần chỉnh lại )

In conclusion, although there are many factors exist around us which lead to stress, we can reduce it by other ways. ( Kết bài chưa hợp lý , nên thay Although = Regardless of.... )

Sử dụng văn nói quá nhiều

 

Answer 2

Mình hoàn toàn đồng ý với bạn Diem Thuy. Một số lỗi nghiêm trọng hơn bạn cần chú ý khi sử dụng từ face:

Chỉ có face up to chứ không có face up with. Nếu sử dụng face with thì phải dạng bị động  be faced with còn nếu sử dụng face thì ko có giới từ hoăc là sử dụng face up to. 

Stress can affect the physical and mental. - câu này không ổn vì the physical -bạn nên check lại dictionary.

 factors increase tiredness-sai cách dùng từ collocation- chổ này không ổn bạn nên rewrite lại.

Bạn sử dụng nhiều từ văn nói như get a high score có thể xem xét gain a high score. Get success thay bằng achieve success. But có thể thay bằng however or yet. 

Lưu ý cách sử dụng từ start vì start chỉ dùng cho động cơ để chỉ khởi động và cách dùng đúng không bị sai là nên dùng begin.

Một số góp ý nho nhỏ.