Topic : Write about the cause of the fact that families now are not as closes-knit as they were in the past

Question

(1) Nowadays, many people do not have a strong attachment to their families because of their lifestyle, the influence of technology and different personal viewpoints. (2)Firstly, members of families have a busy life as not only do parents go to work but the children also go to school. (3)They have to spend a lot of time working hard so they do not have enough time to stay together, which makes them lose connection with each other. (4) Moreover, there are too many modern technological devices which are so attractive/appealing to kids and teenagers. (5) It takes them more time to join an online social network instead of talking in their real life. (6) In the past, when we did not have many technology as today, dinner time was the best time for every person in the family to interact with each other. (7) Whereas at present, they use more phone for chatting, listening to music, etc so that they are not really interested in communicating with others. (8) In conclusion, that family members are not as close as in the past can stem from their hectic modern life and the interference of appealing high tech devices.

Answer 1

Dear,

You mentioned 3 causes of "not close-knits" in the topic sentence but you only analized only 2 ones "lifestyle" and "influence of technology" but "personal viewpoints". I think you have good grammar but your vocabulary should be developed so that your ideas can be performed in more catchy manner.

I tried to change some of your sentences in other words to make them better. Hope you like them.

(1) Nowadays, many people do not have a strong attachment to their families because of their lifestyle, the influence of technology and different personal viewpoints. => Nowadays, there seems to be an invisible gap among members of family because of the changing of lifestyle and the negative impact of technology.

(2)Firstly, members of families have a busy life as not only do parents go to work but the children also go to school. + 3)They have to spend a lot of time working hard so they do not have enough time to stay together, which makes them lose connection with each other. => Firstly, both adults and children in modern family are so over-scheduled with their own jobs that they do not have time together and the connection among them therefore is gradually losen.

Rgds,

 

Comments

Thank you so much