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In manies countries, children are engage in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as complete wrong,  while some  considerate it as valuable work experience, important for learning and talking responsibility. What are your opinion?

Essay:

Nowadays in many natiuons, children are  permitted to participate some species of paid work to get knowledge and take more responsibility . However, the remain disagreement opinions against above tendency. Personally, I think encouraging children to work for remuneration seems potentially negative influence toward their life.

These in favour of ideal argue that engaging in paid work will allow them to have a broader view of life. After children earn money, they can pay internet fee, monthly phone bills by themselves. This proves that children treasure the value of labor, independent with its own capabilities, reduce dependency in parent. On the other hand, paid work will help they in enhancing skill teamwork, this is a very important foundation for success in school and later work. Nam, a secondary school student achieved excellent student title after many year had just placed medium student, above achievement thank to help mutual between students in his academic group. They exchange, philosophize and toghether resolve all problems in study program. Children also become confident, dynamic and creator in any field, usually active to overcome difficulty in the existence. My close girl friend is clearly proof for this case. Vân, background from a family farmers, parent  toil and moil all around year, from a student high school besides studying in class, she betimes engaged paid work to help family. Thanks to valuable experience in overtime, Vân efforted to surpass wave student period, working while studying, positive attending activity union, spent 04 years of college, she became student of twoo good : exellent study appelation and preeminent (excellence) citizens for the cause of national construction.   

 

Nevertheless, all the above benefits can not offset the harm that paid work cause to children. The first, children is not always succesful in study like Nam. He is just a trace student (singular, trace) have achievement so. Majority they was disturbed in study because of the passion make money. No time to learn, so many of them had fallen into the abyss that no escape, academic career was ruined, a gloomy future ahead was welcoming them. From a investigate in a province of Vietnam shows that organic relation between children out of school and early labor, hard work, pestiferous (baneful, toxic). Through figure 43,5 % of children out of school because of  so poor study ability had shown that the children had to work early  so there was not time for study. From knowledge non-mastery, basic loss to the slump in study and ultimately dropping out of school. The second, early labor also make children easy injured and encounter physical risks( meanwhile, early labor make children easy vulnerable and encounter physical risks). Recent reasearchs pointed out many children from 07 to 17 years of age with phisycal, mental retardation, deviant personality, can not intergrate into society, crisis and disbelieve toward past, present and future. This is a frightful consequence and so bad. The third, encouring children for paid work lead to negative issues in society as child labor abuses. The latest statistics of the international labour organization (ILO) said that more than 250 millions of children have to labour for life in the global. Annual estimate have millions of teenager in the world are forced to do hard labour,prostitution and other unlawful activities. Condition of illegal child labor is growing rapidly. In many part of the world, children work in different fields, mostly in agriculture, where they may be  contacted with hazardous chemistry  and unsafe equipments. Anothers are wandering pedllers (street children peddling or street pedller), or running errands to earn a living. Some of them are employee in families or in factories. All the children have not a opportunity to live a actual childhood.

To conclude, encouraging children for paid work prevented objective evolution of them, even ruins their lives. I think that parents should care and have a effective tutelage method, creating  all condition for the  healthy development of progeny (brood, children). Moreover, children are future of society, child generations should be cared and looked after both physical and mental comprehensively, which also is prerequisite for promotion of  society development later

 

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bài bạn dài quá, cho dù bạn có nhiều ý để nói thì với 1 ielts wrting essay, viết tầm 270-300 là đẹp, hơn 250 mà

mình mới đọc body 1 của bạn mà thấy có 1 số vấn đề

Nowadays  in many natiuons, children are  permitted to  some species of paid work to get knowledge and take more responsibility . However, the remain disagreement opinions against above tendency. Personally, I think encouraging children to work for remuneration seems potentially negative influence toward their life.

-Nowadays : informal word

-natiuons: spelling ( nations)

-participate ( wrong word choice) - participate in

-the remain disagreement opinions against above tendency - câu này mình ko thấy động từ chính đâu, chỉ có mỗi remain là ĐT và cũng không hiểu sao nó lại đứng đầu câu ???

-seems potentially negative influence toward their life. : sai collocation nha b. seem ko đi đc vs influence , influence (n) cũng ko đi vs toward. bạn nên tra từ điển collocation trước khi viết

+> bạn nên học từ vựng cho vững trước đã trước khi viết 1 bài dài thê này

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