Pls review - IELTS writing task 2 - Should juvenile offenders be tried and punished as adults?
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It is controversial that teenagers who commit serious crimes such as homicide should be charged the same way as adults. Personally I don’t think young offenders should deserve that strict punishment at all. My essay will analyze two main reasons why punishing juvenile criminals may result in more negative than positive effects to the society.

To begin with,  teenagers are yet to finish growing mentally and therefore could not be fully aware of the consequences of their actions. At early age, their development process are vulnerable to several factors including sexual abuse or family violence which may seriously traumatize them and lead to extreme reactions. For instance, a young man who witnessed his  mother’s rape could be obsessed to kill men with similar sexual assault behaviors, simply thinking it is the best way to protect his beloved women. Fixing juvenile criminals like him is still feasible unless they are seriously punished by, let say, getting a life sentence.

Secondly, it’s not fair to treat young criminals with adult punishment because it could destroy their lives forever. They’ll be taken away proper education which could otherwise help them acquire necessary knowledge and skills to establish a career and become useful citizens in the society. They’ll also be isolated from their family and ordinary people who teach them life lessons with love and affection. Meanwhile living in prison, they can be beaten up or abused by older prisoners, and become familiar with violent crimes which will gradually shape up their fierce personality and behaviors. Putting juveniles into a shared prison with adult serial killers could possibly turn them into real criminals for good with little hope of rehabilitation.

In conclusion, young should never get the same punishment as adults because their mentality are not fully ready to understand where utterly violent actions may take them to; and charging them at too early age may even cost their whole life.

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I think you have a very good essay, which to me is nearly perfect. Many good and uncommon words are applied, your ideas and grammars are excellent. well paragraph structure, very easy to understand, and convince me. I have many good words to learn, thank you. Besides, I recommend some of the little mistakes for you :)

At (an) early age, their development process are (may have been) vulnerable to

his  mother’s rape (his mother being raped by someone) could be obsessed to kill men (the men) with similar sexual assault behaviors

 

 

 

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Thanks a bunch chi hanhnguyen293. Merry Christmas!!!

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