IELTS Task 2 - Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education?

Question

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

 

(256 words)

Many people think wealthy nations should be required to share their property among poorer ones by supplying food and education. However, I do not agree with this opinion.

On the one hand, requiring wealthy nations to share their wealth among poorer nations might slow the pace of social’s development. Residents from poorer countries, who know that they will receive necessities and education, are likely to not want to do anything to keep up with other people from rich countries. Not only does this demand become a heavy burden to wealthy nations but it also makes the motive for developing and innovating of poorer ones disappears, from which the global economy will fall down. For example, domestic policy of Viet Nam in 1980s was dividing everything equally among dwellers. As a result, the economy experienced a sharp decline with a huge rate of inflation.

On the other hand, there are no international organizations or national governments having powers to force a country do charity. Each country has its own sovereignty, freedom and economy. In addition, the wealth of a nation is due to the combined efforts of its citizens. Therefore, wealthy nations would decide to help other ones if they want to. To illustrate, many countries, such as USA, Japan, Germany…, are always willing to spend millions of dollars annually aiding poorer nations in difficult situations without any commands.

In conclusion, I suppose that looking after citizens is the responsibility of the governments and the poor countries might give the help from the wealthy ones without requirements.

Answer 1

1. Task response: Mình nghĩ ok

2. Cohension: mình nghĩ cấu trúc "on the one hand"  và " on the other hand" được sử dụng khi bày tỏ 2 quan điểm trái ngược, tuy nhiên nội dung của paragraph 2 mình thấy hoàn toàn support cho ý của paragraph 1.

Coherence: mình nghĩ ok

3. lexical resource: chưa được giàu vốn từ lém

4. Grammatical range and accuracy: social's development => social development;

Not only does this demand become a heavy burden to wealthy nations but it also makes the motive for developing and innovating of poorer ones disappears => cấu trúc not only... but also ở đây có vẻ không ổn lém, mình chưa gặp cấu trúc này đặt ở vị trí như thế này bao giờ.

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn rất nhiều vì đã dành thời gian đọc bài và chữa bài giùm mình.

Về ý on the other hand thì mình xem lại lý thuyết rồi, nó nói về 1 đối tượng đó bạn, ví dụ: A is good. On the other hand, A is expensive.

Cấu trúc not only... đó là mình dùng đảo ngữ, nhưng đây là lần đầu tiên mình dùng, ko biết đúng ko nữa, để mình hỏi kỹ lại xem.

Cảm ơn bạn rất nhiều nhé.

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Hì cấu trúc đảo ngữ này đúng rồi, mình vừa thấy một câu tương tự trên Tedx: "Not only do phthalates pollute our environment, but they also pollute our bodies". Mà bạn kiếm đâu ra cái đề bài khó gặm vậy?

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Hì, cảm ơn bạn.

Đề này là Cam 1 Test 2 bạn ạ.