IELTS Task 1- Line graph (Mình là thành viên mới, tự học ôn ielts, mong mọi người giúp đỡ. Mình cám ơn rất nhiều!)

Question

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

 

The line graph shows the trends of the fertility in both nations China and America from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, it is clear that there were fluctuations in the two countries from 1920 to 1940, followed by a significant decline in 1945s and then dramatically went up in the next 5 years, before witnessed a sustainable decrease in half century of China and US.

At first, China witnessed a variation from 10 percent to 15 percent between 1920 and 1935, followed by a significant down to 5 percent in 1940s. However, the birth rate in this nation was reached its zenith in next 5 years before the period of a decline gradually from 1950 to 2000.

The fertility in America, meanwhile, saw an unstable change in the first 20 years. After that, this nation was witnessed a decline sharply in 1945 and then showed an increase in the next 5 years. Ultimately, this nation between the period of 1950 and 2000, saw a sustainable plunge.

Answer 1

The line graph shows the trends of the fertility in both nations China and America from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, it is clear that there were fluctuations in the two countries from 1920 to 1940, followed by a significant decline in 1945s and then dramatically went up (đừng nên dùng "go up", có thể dùng "grow,climb,improve") in the next 5 years, before witnessed a sustainable decrease in half century of China and US.

At first, China witnessed a variation from 10 percent to 15 percent between 1920 and 1935, followed by a significant down (hãy dùng drop/redution) to 5 percent in 1940s. However, the birth rate in this nation was reached (ko có bị động nhá) its zenith (từ này lạ quá, mới thấy lần đầu nên ko dám bình) in next 5 years before the period of a decline gradually  (gradual vì đang dùng danh từ mà) from 1950 to 2000.

The fertility in America, meanwhile, saw an unstable change in the first 20 years. After that, this nation (country đi, từ này hồi nãy dùng rồi) was witnessed (dùng rồi, có thể thay experienced) a decline sharply  (danh từ mà bạn, sharp thôi) in 1945 and then showed an increase in the next 5 years.Ultimately, this nation between the period of 1950 and 2000, saw a sustainable plunge.

Tóm lại. Cố gắng đa dạng cấu trúc thêm nha bạn. bạn bị lỗi lập từ, lập cấu trúc quá nhiều. một điều nữa vô cùng nguy hiểm là các chỗ mình đánh màu xanh  (sai hoàn toàn vì chủ ngữ của bạn là "nation". Bạn hãy tưởng tượng có đất nước nào giảm hay tăng ko? Chính xác là cái Birth Rate của nó tăng giảm mà)

Comments

Cám ơn bạn nhiều lắm, mình sẽ chú ý và rút kinh nghiệm cho bài viết sau. 

 

Answer 2

Ngoài những ý kiến như bạn Snape trên thì mình nghĩ với bài này bạn nên chia 2 khổ và so sánh 2 nước với nhau chứ đừng nói mỗi nước một khổ như vậy. Đoạn 1 nên nói từ đầu đến năm 1945, đoạn 2 thì từ 1945 đến hết. Trong task 1 có so sánh điểm sẽ cao hơn.

Với lại overall mở bài của bạn chi tiết quá, bạn chỉ cần nói chung chung là có biến động tăng giảm sau đó là xu hướng giảm hẳn ở cả 2 quốc gia thôi.

Answer 3

Đề bài task 1 luôn yêu cầu rất rõ ràng: tóm tắt thông tin bằng cách chọn lọc và báo cáo những ý chính và so sánh chúng với nhau. Bài này của bạn mắc lỗi sai cơ bản nhất là không so sánh và không đưa số liệu cụ thể. Bạn nên rút kinh nghiệm cho bài viết sau. Riêng bài này dù bạn có cấu trúc từ vựng hay ngữ pháp cao đến cỡ nào cũng không quá được band 5 vì bạn không đáp ứng được yêu cầu đề bài

Answer 4

The line graph shows the trends of the fertility in both nations China and America from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, it is clear that there were fluctuations in the birth rates of  the two countries from 1920 to 1940, followed by a significant decline in 1945s and then the figure (ko chung chủ nên ko thể dùng chung động từ được) dramatically went up in the next 5 years before witnessed => witnessing a sustainable decrease in half century of China and US.

At first, China witnessed => experienced (tránh lặp từ) a variation from 10 percent to 15 percent between 1920 and 1935, followed by a significant down to 5 percent in 1940s. However, the birth rate in this nation was reached => reached (reach ko chia bị động) its zenith in the next 5 years before the period of a decline gradually => gradual decline from 1950 to 2000.

The fertility in America, meanwhile, saw an unstable change in the first 20 years. After that, this nation was witnessed => underwent (witness ở đây ko chia bị động) a decline sharply => a sharp decline in 1945 and then showed an increase in the next 5 years. Ultimately, this nation between the period of 1950 and 2000, saw a sustainable plunge.

Answer 5

detrimental effects on their health.

    The second element which fulfill workers'satisfaction is a good employer. An ideal employer is the one who can understand his companions and make good use of their talents. Moreover, a good boss always values others'work, which can disperse a sense of fulfillment among the employees. However, in reality, almost all employers cannot meet these criteria because they have too much work and do not feel contented themselves. That's why workers are dissatisfied with their work.

    Last but not least, cooperative colleagues are truly important in raising job satisfaction degree. Cooperation in teamwork can boost productivity, which brings in better performance and payment. Besides, having good colleagues prevents you from conflicts and bullying which can cause pressure and more seriously, psychological effects. This factor is sometimes not met by some workplaces and people may suffer due to their high salaries or interest.

In conclusion, everyone seeks job satisfaction but hardly anyone can be fully satisfied. Companies should pay attention to job

Answer 6

The line graph shows the trends of the fertility in both nations China and America from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, it is clear that there were fluctuations in the two countries from 1920 to 1940, followed by a significant decline in 1945s and then dramatically went up in the next 5 years, before witnessed a sustainable decrease in half century of China and US.

At first, China witnessed a variation from 10 percent to 15 percent between 1920 and 1935, followed by a significant drop to 5 percent in 1940s. However, the birth rate in this nation was reached its zenith  in next 5 years before the period of a decline gradual  from 1950 to 2000.

The fertility in America, meanwhile, saw an unstable change in the first 20 years. After that, this nation was experienced a decline sharp  in 1945 and then showed an increase in the next 5 years.Ultimately, this nation between the period of 1950 and 2000, saw a sustainable plunge