Nowadays, with strong development of society and strict requirements in the competitive labor market/ (chỗ này thiếu chủ ngữ), it requires workers need to have necessary soft skills and a sustainable educational background. These things suggest that careful preparation for career is really essential. And, there is no doubt to say that the studying environment at the university is the place to set (or establish students' fundamental foundation) for students a base foundation to develop stably more than in the future.
During 4 (four) years ago learning at university (cái này là trạng từ nên lại thiếu chủ ngữ) (it which brings me to (từ much thì hơi informal - it helps me obtain more new experiences) much more new experiences and valuable knowledge, that prepares for my career. At university, I had many chances in studying, researching (acquire??) the skills and knowledge related to my career with lots of professor who are famous in their field (ý ấy là học được nhiều kỹ năng và kiến thức từ những chuyên gia nổi tiếng à?). (Besides/ also để nối câu) Joining in clubs of the university helped me to discover much (đừng dùng nhiều much nhá) my ability as well as creating (or establishing) relationships with friends who from many different places and various cultures. I could behold what life is like a different city (k hiểu ý ấy lắm :( ). Moreover, when studying together, they (we ? ý bạn là chỉ bạn của bạn hay cả bạn nữa? hợp lý hơn là chúng tôi chứ nhỉ) not only became partners but also were competitors, which makes (mình có đọc ở đâu bảo dùng ít which thôi, cơ mà mình chưa biết sửa thêm thế nào :( )me have more motivated (motivation) than for try to complete myself. Also (, As a result) the discussions in the class given (gave) me opportunities forge many soft skills such as negotiation, presentation, communication, team working (teamwork)... Besides, my university usually organized (vẫn đang thì quá khứ chứ)meaningful social activities, which both creating creats the occasion for me to help poor people and handicap and also to contribute to evolution of the community and supports to develop skills and experiences in my future job as thinking skills, solving problem skills, organizing skills. (câu này dài quá) On the other hand, I also learn to live by myself (Có thể là I learn to live independnetly without my parent's care) and look after myself without having my parent next to. Therefore, I know away effective time management (có thể viết I know how to manage time effectively, to work...), working under high pressure and short time ( chỗ short time này mình chưa hiểu ý bạn lắm) more than before.
In summary, attending in university helped equip to me (help me provide) clear (clearly) competitive advantages and identify (identified vì đang thì quá khứ) my most (most tớ thấy k cần lắm) marketable skills and restored my confidence in the future. (would restore my confidence..)
Tớ nghĩ phần thân bài ấy nên tách ra làm đôi cho ý của mình được clear hơn.
Đoạn 1 nói về lợi ích khi học cùng bạn bè thầy cô (famous proffesors, have friends...)
Đoạn 2 nói về lợi ích khi tham gia các hoạt động ở trường
Cố gắng đừng translate from Vietnamese to English nhé. Tớ cũng đang tập viết, mình cùng cố gắng nào :)