Bài IELTS task 1 này mình tập viết, mong các bạn có kinh nghiệm xem qua giúp. Cảm ơn.The bar chart shows the percentage of people who smoked in eight countries in 2005.

Question

The bar graph compares the percentage of men and women who smoked in eights coutries in 2005.

It is clear that China was the highest percentage of men who smoked with sixty-eight percent, Indonesia had the second-highest and Bangladesh had the third-highest with fifty-five percent. The similar percentage of men smoked in Japan and India. In Philippines forty percent and thrity-five percent in Vietnam of men smoked. The United State was the lowest percentage of male smokers at twenty-four percent.

Bangladesh had the highest percentage of female smokers at twenty-eight percent. In contast with men smokers, the US had the second-highest percentage of women smoked. India was the third-highest percentage with twenty-eight percent. In Japan about fourteen percent of women smoked and eighteen percent in Philippines. China had just four percent of female smokers and Vietnam was the lowest percentage of women smoked.

Overall, it can be seen that fewer women smoked than men. The gap between male and female smokers was smalest in the US and largest in China.

 

Answer 1

Mình có vài góp ý nhỏ như này

1. Đề bài nên paraphrase lại thêm 1 từ nữa, đó là từ the percentage of, thay bằng the rate, the number of.... đều ổn. 

2. Câu cuối (overall) nên để thành câu thứ 2. Task 1 có thể không cần kết bài, không sao hết. Viết hết 2 body là ổn. Khi để câu ấy lên thứ 2 thì nó sẽ làm cho phần thân bài phía sau rõ ràng và mạch lạc hơn

3. Lần sau bạn nên cho thêm cái đề bài để cho dễ nhận xét, viết không vậy không biết bạn viết đúng hay sai nữa

4. Các số liệu trong phần biểu đồ thì thường sẽ là số xấp xỉ, chỉ có 1 vài số là chính xác tuyệt đối vì nó chạm các mốc 10-20-30 trong biểu đồ, những số ở khoảng giữa thì thường là người viết dùng mắt áng khoảng, không chính xác tuyệt đối. Vậy nên bạn nên thêm around/about/over... trước các số nếu nó không phải là số chính xác. VD: about 68%, around 55%.

5. Mình nghĩ bạn hiểu hơi sai yêu cầu của đề bài. Trong bài bạn so sánh số liệu giữa các nước với nhau. Nhưng đề bar chart dạng cho 8 nước rồi 1 cột nam đặt cạnh 1 cột nữ (đó là mình đọc bài của bạn mà suy ra đề, không biết có chính xác không) thì yêu cầu của nó thường không phải là so sánh giữa các nước, mà là so sánh tỉ lệ giữa nam và nữ ở trong 1 nước. Ví dụ như trong bài của bạn mình sẽ viết về TQ như này. The proportion of mens who smoked in China was about 68%. However, the figure for woman smokers was lower, at around 4%. Như thế thì sẽ đạt được yêu cầu so sánh. 

Comments

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Answer 2

Mình góp ý bạn một số lỗi chính tả nha:

The bar graph compares the percentage of men and women who smoked in eights coutries in 2005.

It is clear that China was the highest percentage of men who smoked with sixty-eight percent, Indonesia had the second-highest and Bangladesh had the third-highest with fifty-five percent. The similar percentage of men smoked in Japan and India. In Philippines forty percent and thrity-thirty five percent in Vietnam of men smoked. The United State was the lowest percentage of male smokers at twenty-four percent.

Bangladesh had the highest percentage of female smokers at twenty-eight percent. In contast contrast with men smokers, the US had the second-highest percentage of women smoked. India was the third-highest percentage with twenty-eight percent. In Japan about fourteen percent of women smoked and eighteen percent in Philippines. China had just four percent of female smokers and Vietnam was the lowest percentage of women smoked.

Overall, it can be seen that fewer women smoked than men. The gap between male and female smokers was smalest smallest in the US and largest in China.

Answer 3

The bar graph compares the proportion of men and women who smoked in different countries in 2005.

Overall, it can be seen that fewer women smoked than men. The gap between male and female smokers was smallest in the US and largest in China.

It is clear that China was the highest percentage of men who smoked with sixty-eight percent, Indonesia had the second-highest and Bangladesh had the third-highest with fifty-five percent. The similar percentage of men smoked in Japan and India. There was forty percent for men and thrity-five percent for men smoked in Philippines and Vietnam, respectively. The United State was the lowest percentage of male smokers at twenty-four percent

Bangladesh had the highest proportion of female smokers at twenty-eight percent. In contrast with men smokers, the US had the second-highest percentage of women smoked. India was the third-highest percentage with twenty-eight percent. In Japan, about fourteen percent of women smoked and eighteen percent in Philippines. China had just four percent of female smokers and Vietnam was the lowest percentage of women smoked.

Bố cục của bài nên là: introduction->overall->body1->body2

Phần body bạn nên chia theo nước!