Mong các bạn sửa dùm mình bài này, vì minh mới tập viết nên mong các bạn sửa thật cụ thể giúp mình

Question

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the cost of adult education should be shared.

The bar graph illustrates different factors which contribute adults on deciding to study and the pie graph elucidates various cost of each course should be shared.

In the first graph, the reason for meeting people is the lowest, at 9 percent. The percentage of “to able to change jobs” factor is higher than “to meet people” only 3 percent. It means its percent is 12. Adults who enjoy learning are as much as others go for improving prospects of promotion, at 20 percent for each. 22 percent is the number of people who feel study is helpful for current jobs and the figures of people study to gain qualifications is 38 percent. However, it is not the largest number that the main reason is “interests in subjects”, 40 percent.

In the second graph, the cost of individuals is the largest number, at 40 percent while the percentage of employers is lower than not much, at 35 percent. Taxpayers show that it is not sensitive to be shared so its percent is only 25.

Overall, the bar graph gives the information on the reasons for studying in which the main reasons is “Interest in subjects” and vice reason is “Meeting people”. And it is seen from the pie chart is the cost of individuals is the most part should be share while the percentage of the taxpayer is minimum.

Answer 1

mình nghĩ bạn nên đưa Overview thành paragraph thứ 2 sau đoạn Introduction, còn về vocab thì mình nghĩ cũng khá ổn 

câu "It means its percent is 12" chưa được tốt lắm vì có thể làm confuse người chấm

và bạn nên để ý cách sử dụng dấu chấm và dấu phẩy của mình 1 chút nhé

vì trình độ mình k cao nên chỉ biết nxét vậy thôi=))

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn đã góp ý cho mình. Tuy nhiện phần overview mình nghĩ có thể đặt ở đoạn 2 hoặc đoạn cuối đều được. Bạn có nghĩ vậy không?.

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