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Question

 

the line graph presents the demand for electricity in Brishtish over period days in winter and sumer .While , the pie chart describes how electricity is used in an average english home .

As can be seen that , the line graph , there was a sharp fluctuation  in the electricity in winter from 0 hour to 12 hours from 35.000 units of electricity to 40.000 units of electricity , the electricity in winter peaked at over 40.000 the electricity in winter from 15 hours to 22 hours then dropped under 40.000 the electricity .Incontrast , the electricity in summer dropped slightly from 18.000 units of electricity to 12 units of electricity from 0 hour to 9 hours and peaked 20.000 units of electricity between 9 hours and 14 hours > However , there was a varied significantly  from 20.000 units of electricity to nearly 18.000 units of electricity .

Turning to the pie chart , the rate of heating rooms , heating water and the rate of  overs ,kettles , washing machines had the greatest 52.5 % and 17.5 % respectively .Likewise , the proportion of the lighting , Tv , radio is the same the rate of vacuum cleaners , food , food mixer , elctric tool is 15 % .

Inconclusion , the line graph  the electricity in winter is greater than the the electricity in summer . By contrast , the pie chart the heating rooms , heating water is the largest .

Answer 1

Mình cũng mới luyện ielts thôi nên chỉ sửa cho bạn 1 vài baby mistakes thôi nha =)

As can be seen that , the line graph , there was a sharp fluctuation  in the electricity in winter from between 0 hour to and 12 hours from 35.000 units of electricity to 40.000 units of electricity ( theo mình dùng between...and để tránh lặp từ from...to của bạn sẽ hay hơn )...In constrast, the electricity in summer dropped slightly from 18.000 units of electricity to 12 units of electricity from between 0 hour to and 9 hours and peaked at 20.000 units of electricity between 9 hours and 14 hours...

Likewise , the proportion of the lighting , Tv , radio is exactly the same the rate of vacuum cleaners , food , food mixer , elctric tool is 15 % a small minority, with 15%.