IELTS task 1-mong mọi người sửa và đánh giá giúp e

Question

The bar charts illustrate data about the primary motivations for go to school according to age of student and how much support the employers give to them.

At first glance it is clear that there are in two main reasons for students to study and different age groups receive distinct the amount of employer‘s support.

There is a significant difference in percentage of asked student between two reasons for study in all groups, except group 40-49. In particular, having a career is a dominant reason for student under 26, 26-29 and 30-39 to go to school, at 80%, nearly 70% and 55% respectively, while almost 70% of group of student over 49 said they study for interest.

Students at age under 26 are given the highest the amount of support by their employers, almost 60%, this figure for age group 26-29 is slightly lower, at 50%. Students are at age from 30 to over 49 receive under half of support from their employers.

                                              

Answer 1

paragraph 2 của bạn theo mình nghĩ là có phần chưa rõ ràng. bạn có thể nói là "Overall, old employees' reason for study stems from personal interest, while younger ones go to school chiefly because of their career purposes. Also, less support  is given to people who are older".

 

Về cách diễn đạt về tuổi, có 1 số cách sau bạn có thể dùng (cái này mình học hỏi từ thầy ryan trên youtube)

Students aged between ....

Student who are 46 and older

49 year old and older students ....

2 paragraph chính thì mình nghĩ cần phải có nhiều comparison hơn nữa.

Cheers. :D