It is true that there will apparently (obviously is used more often in speaking) lots of customs and behaviors in a new country. While I agree that the host country should welcome cultural differences, I do believe that new comers should follow local traditions and manners.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why the host country should adapt with the cultural diversity . Firstly, people seem to be quite interesting when acquiring strange customs and rituals . Such great customs and manners from another country will certainly enhance cultural competence and remove old customs which are boring and become inappropriate in modern life. For example, although Christmas originally come from western country , it is getting an important holiday and recently attracts a number of tourists to Vietnam . Besides, newcomers tend to be comfortable and cosy as they feel at home.
On the other hand, it is more necessary for visitors to follow local customs and behaviors. People are more likely to fully understand communications and social environment of host country when they are familiar with local tradition. In addition, having a right manner or behavior are highly essential for them to live in a new country. For instance, it is impolite and disrespectful for greeting as well as receiving gifts from older people without using both hands or bowing your head. Furthermore, there will be more positive support and advice from local people and neighbors if visitors follow traditional customs.
In conclusion, although it is beneficial for host country having cultural diversity, it is more important for visitors to follow local customs and behaviors.
Overall
Should paraphrase. Be careful with vocabulary. Try harder!
Phần này mình xin mạn phép viết Tiếng Việt:
Bài của bạn về độ dài tạm ổn tuy nhiên mình thấy bài viết của bạn có phần chưa thoát ý:
1) Phần mở bài bạn có nói: '' While I agree that the host country should welcome cultural differences, I do believe that new comers should follow local traditions and manner." -> Làm độc giả bối rối rằng bạn đang đồng ý với cả 2 phương án?
2) Bạn nên cho thêm câu hỏi vào phần đề bài và đồng thời xác định đây là kiểu bàn luận về 2 phía(như bạn đã viết) hay là chọn 1/2 vì đoạn 1 bạn viết về việc nên thích ứng với đa văn hóa nhưng đoạn 2 lại là về việc người nước ngoài nên thích ứng với văn hóa của chính quốc.
Cảm ơn vì đã đọc. Ý kiến của mình chỉ là chủ quan. Có gì sai phạm xin bạn bỏ quá!