mong mọi người sửa giúp em ạ: bài ilest task2-in many countries, shools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think is the cause of this? what solution can you suggest?

Question

The problems concerning moral standard of students have created a lot of debate in the world recently. Therefor, it is imporntant to identify some main problems and look for long term solutions. This essay will discuss the causes of students bad behavior and suggest some meassures.

       To start with,students' s bad expression at shool i sai to be brought about by the lack of discipline and regulation system. Owing to the large class-size, the work of managing might become difficult and inefficient, which provides students opportunities to be misbehavior without any supervision and punishment.What is more, it is a common belief among some people that the academic performance is much important than behavior. Consequently, students tend to spend much time studying bookish knowledge instead of some basic skills about  society.

       Another reason for students to behave not well is the disruptive influence if some students either from unstable background or be spoiled by parents at home. Students have a tendency to perform negatively if they are from violent families, broken marriages or having low educated parents. In other words, lacking of support from parents as well as families can result in the low moral standard of students.                                                                                                        

       Steps should be taken to stop  these obstacles from going any further. The most obvious solution is to introduce set of regulations at school in order to discourage problematic behavior. Besides, cooperation between families and schools is highly recommended. Since  students's development is influenced by the environment, the bond between parents and teachers should be strengthened. What is more, training courses for parents should be available to better the way of raising children

       In conclusion, to improve student behavior,  the long-term solutions are inneed. With a new rule system and the revolution in children's backgrounds, families. The conduct of students can stand a good chance to be better

Answer 1

Hello,

TỚ đã đọc bài của bạn và có một số góp ý nhỏ sau:

ngoài một số lỗi chính tả (shools - schools, i - I, sai - say) và ngữ pháp "With a new rule system and the revolution in children's backgrounds, families"- câu này không có động từ hoặc bạn phải đổi dấu chấm câu thành dấu phẩy, thì theo tớ bố cục bài essay này chưa tốt. Ở 2 khổ bodies của bài bạn nên để 1 khổ viết về nguyên nhân, khổ còn lại viết về các giải pháp, chứ không dùng cả 2 đoạn để viết về phần nguyên nhân. Phần kết luận chỉ nêu lại khái quát những gì đã đưa ra ở 2 khổ bodies.Ngoài ra bạn mới chỉ mention các giải pháp (ko nên đưa giải pháp xuống phần kết bài) mà không phân tích rõ ràng các giải  pháp đưa ra, mình nghĩ đây cũng là một điểm bạn cần lưu ý

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/2841/more-more-people-claim-that-modern-work-patterns-source-stress-cause-this-solutions

Comments

mình cảm ơn bạn nha, mấy lỗi chính tả chắc là do mình lười gõ phím nên dùng cái tính năng thoại trên google dịch rồi copy paste ra đây nên chắc còn bỏ sót một số lỗi, còn về phần body thì mình nghĩ nếu gộp cả hai nguyên nhân lại thì nhìn nó sẽ khá dài so với phần solution.Còn về phàn kết thì mình cảm ơn về những góp ý của bạn nha, giờ mình mới nhận ra đấy.A còn nữa cái phần solution mình quên chưa đưa vào bạn đọc lại rồi xem lại giúp mình nha

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Sample Answer 2:
Aggressive student behaviour is a major cause of concern in many countries. This article addresses the reasons behind such behaviour and the measures that can be taken to prevent it.

Violent student behaviour can be attributed to a bad family atmosphere, a competitive school environment and lifestyle/dietary habits. A student’s behaviour in society depends upon the atmosphere at his/her home. If the parents of student don not devote enough time for him/her, the adolescent mind goes wayward. Research and study have shown that major acts of violence were committed by people who have had abusive mother or father in their childhood. Another factor that influences student behaviour is the environment at school. A competitive and comparison-based education structure adds fuel to fire. The last but less acknowledged factor in violent behaviour is their lifestyle/dietary habits. Excess meat consumption and lack of adequate physical exercise results in an unhealthy body and mind which leads to violent acts.

The behaviour of a student reflects the society we live in. Although violent student behaviour is a matter of grave concern, there are adequate and simple measures to prevent it. Parents and teachers must devote enough time for the student and understand his/her strengths and weaknesses. They must never compare one student with another. A great deal of emphasis must be placed by schools in physical activities like swimming, running and other sports. These help to channelize the great energy of the students in a better manner. Students should also be encouraged to take up activities like gardening and caring for domestic animals. These help in providing opportunities for them to appreciate nature and the other living creatures in this planet.

Violent student behaviour, although on the rise, can be purged at the grass-root level if proper preventive measures are taken. The youth are the future of our society and it is our solemn duty to guide and make them compassionate human beings.

[ by - Kalyan ]

Answer 2

Cảm ơn bạn đã khen, nhưng thật ra mình cũng đang rất vật vã với cái thể loại writng này. 

Mình gửi bạn một số bài mẫu mình copy trên mạng, bạn xem để tham khảo nhé. Vốn từ và ngữ pháp của mình rất tệ nên không biết phải sửa cho bạn thế nào. Sorry!

Sample Answer 1:
Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world report that students tend to have behavioural problems. Unfortunately, this will make it harder for schools to educate students as problematic behaviours are likely to interfere with the education process.

There are some reasons as to why students behave inappropriately. Firstly, the way society works these days affect students’ behavioural patterns. For instance, parents might spend more time at work than at home and as a result, children lack parental guidance, not knowing how they are supposed to behave. This in turn is likely to cause them to have behavioural problems. Secondly, such behaviours might be caused by external influences, such as internet and television. Students, for example, might watch TV shows that use a lot of violence. Therefore, they are likely to imitate in real life by being more aggressive and using more violence. After all, students, especially teenagers, are easily affected by external parties.

In order to counter such problem, teachers should be friendly while still maintaining their professionalism. By being friendly, teachers might be able to understand students’ point of views and thus devise the right strategies to connect with them. This is because students are more likely to listen to teachers if they feel they can relate to the teachers and that the teachers understand them. Furthermore, it is also important to handle students patiently. This is really crucial, since rough treatments might worsen their behaviours or encourage them to play truant. It is therefore wiser to be patient and guide students gradually to be well-behaved rather than using force to do so.

In conclusion, behavioural problems are resulted from the way society works these days (e.g. lack of parental guidance) and external parties, such as bad influences from TV shows. Nevertheless, by understanding students’ views and guiding them patiently, students can gradually change and behave in a more appropriate manner.

[ by - Helen Natasia Lim ]

 

 

Comments

thanks bạn nhiều nhiều nha

Answer 3

Sample Answer 2:
Aggressive student behaviour is a major cause of concern in many countries. This article addresses the reasons behind such behaviour and the measures that can be taken to prevent it.

Violent student behaviour can be attributed to a bad family atmosphere, a competitive school environment and lifestyle/dietary habits. A student’s behaviour in society depends upon the atmosphere at his/her home. If the parents of student don not devote enough time for him/her, the adolescent mind goes wayward. Research and study have shown that major acts of violence were committed by people who have had abusive mother or father in their childhood. Another factor that influences student behaviour is the environment at school. A competitive and comparison-based education structure adds fuel to fire. The last but less acknowledged factor in violent behaviour is their lifestyle/dietary habits. Excess meat consumption and lack of adequate physical exercise results in an unhealthy body and mind which leads to violent acts.

The behaviour of a student reflects the society we live in. Although violent student behaviour is a matter of grave concern, there are adequate and simple measures to prevent it. Parents and teachers must devote enough time for the student and understand his/her strengths and weaknesses. They must never compare one student with another. A great deal of emphasis must be placed by schools in physical activities like swimming, running and other sports. These help to channelize the great energy of the students in a better manner. Students should also be encouraged to take up activities like gardening and caring for domestic animals. These help in providing opportunities for them to appreciate nature and the other living creatures in this planet.

Violent student behaviour, although on the rise, can be purged at the grass-root level if proper preventive measures are taken. The youth are the future of our society and it is our solemn duty to guide and make them compassionate human beings.

[ by - Kalyan ]