Em mới học lớp 10 ạ.. Anh/chị cho em hỏi bài này được band bao nhiêu được không ạ?

Question

The bar chart demonstrates the maximum amount of elephants counted in nine Asian countries in the time 1997 and 2004.Overall, it can be seen clearly that there were less as the previous kind of animal in 2004 as in 1997 in most of the countries and the number of India’s elephant was the highest in total.

As can be shown seemingly, in 1997, nine countries could be divided into two different groups: one had the amount of elephants more than 3000 and another one owned elephants less than 2000.It is apparent in the first group that the total elephants lived in India were nearly 10.000, over three times compared to 3000 of Malaysia and Sri Lanka , while Myanmar and Thailand were a mere at around 5000 and 3700.In contrast ,the second group accounted for the same small amount of elephants of about 1000 ,including three ASEAN countries (Vietnam ,Laos and Cambodia)  and China.

Turning to the 21th century, the majority of Asian countries experienced a significant fall of elephants in seven years latter .To be more precise, while India saw an approximately decrease of 20% in the portion of elephants which was at around 7500, two in three elephants living in Malaysia declined considerably from 3000 to 1000.Although Cambodia was the only place where elephants could grow and reached about 1500 in 2004, the neighbor of it is Laos remained steadily  and the remained countries had the less small amount of elephants.

Answer 1

Chao em,

Overall the essay was very good, better than most writings I have seen from 10th graders. Although I use present tense (as opposed to past tense that you used), I don't think it matters - it's just my writing preference. If you are comfortable with past tense, continue to use it in your writing.  

Things to improve: (1) Some of the sentences don't really make sense (e.g. 2 in 3 elephants in Malaysia...?); (2) Try to use a variety of sentence structures as well.

You are on the right track. Keep up the good work.

___________________

The bar chart shows the highest number of elephants in nine Asian countries between 1997 and 2004, as estimated by researchers. Overall, it can be seen clearly that there are fewer of them in 2004 and India continues to have the largest population of elephants.

In 1997, these nine countries could be divided into two different groups: one with more than 3000 elephants and one with fewer than 2000. In the former group,  India has nearly 10,000 elephants, over three times the number living in Malaysia and Sri Lanka. Myanmar and Thailand have about 5000 and 3700 respectively. In contrast, the latter group together account for 3000 elephants, spreading evenly across Vietnam,Laos, Cambodia and China.

Towards the 21th century, the majority of Asian countries experience a significant fall in number of elephants in seven years latter .To be more precise, India sees the population of elephants down to 7500, a  20% decrease from 1997 and two-thirds of elephants in Malaysia either die or migrate during the 7 years. This trend applies to most other countries, except Cambodia and Laos. Specifically, Cambodia was the only place with a growing number, up from roughly 1200 in 1997 to 1500 in 2004. Its neighbour, Laos, has a relatively stable level of elephants population. 

Comments

tks a lot.... your advide is really useful

Answer 2

The bar chart gives information about the number of elephants in Asia in 1997 and 2004.

It is also worth noting that these nations colud be divided 3 groups included : upward, downward and unchange.

To specify, the first group namely, VietNam, India, Malaisia, Sri Lanka, Myanmar, Thailand and China, in which India, Malaisia, Thailand the volume of elephants droped  the largest about 2000 .In 1997, nearly 10000 elephants lives in India, whereas Myanmar only was a half . With over 7000 elephants in 2004 , India set up the largest number . The figure for 4 coutries included :

Vietnam, Sri Lanka, Myanmar and China falled a little bit. The statics of Myanmar was over 1,5 time higher than Sri Lanka and 5 time higher than Viet Nam as well as China. China made up the lowest number with about 2000 elephants in 2004.

In contrast, while Cambodi saw quite different, there was slightly increase nearly 1200 elephant ,Laos unchaged just over 1000 elephants in 1997 and 2004.