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The given line graph illustrates the proportion of people were born in three different regions, namely Asia, Uk, and other regions in term of living in Australia from 1976 to 2011.
As can be seen from the graph, it is evident that the percentage of people in Asia witnessed an upward trend and the figure for people in Uk plunged significantly over the time frame. Besides, the proportion of people in total and others had more fluctuations.
In 1976, the percentage of people in the Uk living in Australia ranked second of all, standing at about 14% before lunging significantly at the end of the period ( about 5%). Having a reverse allocation, the proportion of people in Asia stood at approximately 3%. It continued to soar so for the rest of the period ( about 15%)
In 1976, people in total regions are getting more and more live in Australia. This percent is the highest of all ( about 23%) before declining slightly to approximately 21% twenty-five years later. This trend reached a peak at 25% at the end of the period. In addition, the percentage of people in other countries stood at about 11% before decreasing to roughly 8%. This trend increased to about 14% twenty years later. It continued to drop so for the rest of the period ( about 13%).
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The given line graph illustrates the proportion of people  who were born in three different regions, namely Asia, the UK , and other regions in terms of living in Australia from 1976 to 2011.

As can be seen from the graph, it is evident that the percentages of people in Asia witnessed an upward trend and the figure for people in the UK plunged significantly over the time frame. Besides, the proportion of people in total and others had more fluctuations. 

-> overview: cần nhìn xu hướng chung cho toàn bộ giai đoạn bạn nhé.

vd: It is clear that the average number of people who came from the UK declined significantly whereas that of Asian residents and others increased over the provided period, despite some fluctuations. Additionally, it also can be seen that the Asian people were the biggest contributor to developing the total Australian population. 

In 1976, the percentage of people in the UK living in Australia ranked second of all, standing at about 14% before falling significantly at the end of the period ( about 5%). Having a reverse allocation, the proportion of people in Asia stood at approximately 3%. It continued to soar so far the rest of the period ( about 15%)

In 1976, people in total regions were getting more and more to live in Australia. This percentage is the highest of all ( about 23%) before declining slightly to approximately 21% twenty-five years later. This trend reached a peak at 25% at the end of the period. In addition, the percentage of people in other countries stood at about 11% before decreasing to roughly 8%. This trend increased to about 14% twenty years later. It continued to drop so far the rest of the period ( about 13%).

 

lặp “the rest of the period” vài lần bạn nhé

Having a reverse allocation, the proportion of people in Asia stood at approximately 3%. -> câu này sai ngữ pháp nhé, nếu Having a reverse allocation thì phía sau dấu phẩy, chủ ngữ sẽ bổ nghĩa cho having a reverse allocation những chủ ngữ ở đây là the proportion of… không thể bổ nghĩa cho cụm từ vừa rồi được bạn nhé.

đa phần bạn viết theo kiểu liệt kê, không có sự so sánh. nếu bổ sung thêm 1,2 câu so sánh thì band sẽ cao hơn nhé

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