IELTS Task 1, line graph

Question

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Mọi người chữa giúp mình nhé, cảm ơn mọi người!

           The line graph compares the percentage of elderly people in three countries, USA, Sweden and Japan.

            Overall, the percentage of the old grows between 1940 and 2030 in these three countries.

            In 1940, the proportion of citizens living at the age of 65 and over in USA was under 10%. The figures for Sweden and Japan were lower, at about 7% and 5% respectively. During the next 40 years, there was an upward trend similarly in both USA and Sweden, while the figure for Japan declined gradually.      

            However, by 2040, the percentage of the old is highest in Japan. Almost 27% of Japan living at the aged of 65 and over, compared to about 25% of Sweden and only 22% of USA. 

Answer 1

Bài này hôm trước vừa thấy đưa lên thì phải.

The line graph compares the percentage of elderly people in three countries, USA, Sweden and Japan (em bỏ liệt kê nước mà thay bằng năm, thiếu chi tiết này là trừ nặng).

Overall, the percentage (thiếu gì từ: proportion) of the old grows between 1940 and 2030 in these three countries (in all mới đúng chuẩn) (nếu chỉ có 1 câu overall thì đưa lên đoạn trên, kết hợp luôn).

In 1940, the proportion of citizens living at the age of people who aged 65 and over in USA was under 10%. The figures for Sweden and Japan were lower, at about 7% and 5% respectively. During the next 40 years, there was an upward trend similarly in both (1 trong 2 thằng này thôi) USA and Sweden, while the figure for Japan declined gradually.

However, by 2040, the percentage of the old is (tương lai phải dùng will have done vì có by, còn nếu dùng in thì lưu ý các từ về dự đoán như is expected to be,... hay tương tự) highest in Japan. Almost 27% of Japan living at the aged of 65 and over, compared to about 25% of Sweden and only 22% of USA.

Comments

em cảm ơn anh/chị, cho em hỏi vì sao dùng" citizens living at the age of" ạ? 

Và bài này thì được khoảng bn chấm vậy ạ? Em cảm ơn!

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Cụm đó em dùng mà, anh có dùng đâu.

Em không dùng các cụm cao siêu nhưng bài này nếu viết lại Introduction và Overall thì có thể lên 7.0-7.5 (với điều kiện là không mắc lỗi như anh chỉ ra). Còn nếu như nguyên trạng thì 5.5 là ban căng.

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dạ em gõ thiếu, ý em là vì sao ko dùng dc cụm "citizens living at the age of..."đấy ạ anh?

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Anh thấy nó chuối chuối. Em thử gõ Google xem có cụm nào như thế không? Có thì chắc dùng được.

Answer 2

    The line graph compares the percentage of elderly people in three countries, USA, Sweden and Japan.

The graph descirbes the proportion of elderly people in 3 countries, namely the United States, Sweden and Japan over a century period from 1940 to 2040.

=> bạn nên đề cập cả thời gian vào introduction

       Overall, the percentage of the old grows between 1940 and 2030 in these three countries.

Overall, the number of the elderly in 3 countries has an upward trend over the period shown. Moreover, the figure for Japan is predicted to become highest in 2040. 

=> overall bạn nên nhấn mạnh 2 điểm: xu hướng trong giai đoạn đó, và cái nào chiếm lớn nhất / ít nhất

            In 1940, the proportion of citizens living at the age of 65 and over in USA was under 10%. The figures for Sweden and Japan were lower, at about 7% and 5% respectively. During the next 40 years, there was an upward trend similarly in both USA and Sweden, while the figure for Japan declined gradually.      

From 1940 to 2000, the number of the old people in the US accounted for the most share and reached a peak at 15% in 1980, in contrast, Japan amounted to the leat and experienced unpredictably between 3% and 5%. Besides, there was an increase in Sweden and also reached a peak in 1980, under just at the US.

            However, by 2040, the percentage of the old is highest in Japan. Almost 27% of Japan living at the aged of 65 and over, compared to about 25% of Sweden and only 22% of USA. 

The figure for Japan is expected to make up the highest proportion in 2040 at over 25% while the USA is projected the least at 23%. Moreover, Sweden is also anticipated to have an upward trend and reach a peak at 25% in 2040.

=> Với những bài có phần dự đoán, thì detail 2 bạn nên sử dụng các từ như be predicted / anticipated / expected / forecast... còn detail 1 thì nói về giai đoạn trước đó

Answer 3

Mong nhận được sự góp ý từ anh. chị. Em cảm ơn.

The line chart gives information about the percentage of people aged over 65 years-old in American, Sweden and Japan between 1940 and 2040.

It is also worth noting that all these nations have an upward trend during period.

To specify, in beginning of period in American about 9% of population, there was a dramatical increase to 15 %  in 40 year after. In 2000, the figures decreased slightly by 2 % . While the number of old people is predicted that it will level off  in 2020 and reach a peak of about 24 %  in the end of period. Sweden has a similar pattern to USA during first 60 years of period,  the stastics raised sharply from about 7 % to 15 % . Calculation shows that it will keep continuos to grow dramatically to 25 % in the next 40 years.

In contrast, Japan saw quite different pattern . It started lowest rank at 5 % in 1940, then falled a little about 3 % and almost unchaged untill 1989. The number of old people is forecasted that it will move up highest position among 3 nations, about 26 % and becoming the oldest country.