Bài IELTS Task 2 sách Cambrigde 10 - Death Pelnalty - Mong các bạn bỏ chút thời gian sửa giúp mình với ạ
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By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and inculde any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. You should write at least 250 words.

In 1995, fifty eight countries has made mutual agreement in dismissing death penalty. Since then, this has become a conspicious problem and sparked off numerous debates around the world. There is a famous opinion stating that death penalty is not different from committing murder In a degree, I agree with this statement.

There is no deny that living is one of the most basic right of a human being. It means that no one, despite their power or authority, can end the life of another. Therefore, if a guilty person is sentenced to death, he is certainly murdered by the society. He does not die by his will, die of diseases or pass away naturally. Life itself is inherent to human being. Hence, it is unnaturally and inhumane to punish people by death and to take away their unknown future.

The moral perspective of death penalty has caused the rapid growth in the number of countries which agreed to dismiss this type of punishment. According to recent related articles, two-third out of the total number of countries around the world now only sentence the muderers to a life in prison. This list includes many developed countries such as France, Germany, Denmark, and United Kingdom. And there is a grow body of evidence that the disposal of death penalty does not cause any rise in the criminal rate in these nations.

Another reason for dismissing death penalty is rather simple. What if the guilty person turns out to be not guilty after his punishment has been done? The process of investigation and prosecution is, no doubt, not always follwing the right path. Consequently, the verdict of the jugde and the jury in those cases would leave many regret for the people involved.

In Vietnam, there are many cases in which the family of the murdered victim has plead for the murderer. Even thouhg they are going through great depression after losing their loved one, they still do not forrget their humnaity. A pitiful mother who lost their daughter due to homicide said in the court that she did not wish for another mother to lose her beloved son. Therefore, she asked the judge t not sentence the killer to death.

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Mình đi sâu chính vào logic và mạch lạc các ý nhé:

 

In 1995, fifty eight countries has made mutual agreement in dismissing death penalty,. Since then, this has becoming a conspicious problem and sparked off numerous debates around the world. I would agree that there is a famous opinion stating that death penalty (capital punishment, bạn nên parapharse) is not different from committing murder In a degree, I agree with this statement.

There is no deny It is clear that living is one of the most basic right of a human being, it It means that no one, despite their power or authority, can end the life of another we have no right to take another human life. Therefore, if a guilty person is sentenced to death, he is certainly murdered by the society. He does not die by his will, die of diseases or pass away naturally. Life itself is inherent to human being. Hence, it is unnaturally and inhumane to punish people by death and to take away their unknown future. (đoạn này bạn nên dùng câu ghép và phức thì tốt hơn là các câu đơn và ngắn, mình chưa biết phải sửa chỗ này thế nào cho hay hơn)

The moral perspective of death penalty has caused the rapid growth in the number of countries which agreed to dismiss this type of punishment. According to recent related articles, two-third out of the total number of countries around the world now only sentence the muderers to a life in prison. This list includes many developed countries such as France, Germany, Denmark, and United Kingdom. And there is a grow body of evidence that the disposal of death penalty does not cause any rise in the criminal rate in these nations. (vì bạn completely agree với cái topic này, nên detail 2 bạn nên nêu thêm 1 lý do khác để thuyết phục hơn, đoạn này bạn nên cắt bớt và ghép với đoạn trên thì phù hợp hơn, ví dụ: executing prisoners creates a violent culture and encourage revenge,...)

Another reason for dismissing death penalty is rather simple. What if the guilty person turns out to be not guilty after his punishment has been done? In adition, innocent people could be wrongly conviected and executed because the process of investigation and prosecution is, no doubt, not always follwing the right path. Consequently, the verdict of the jugde and the jury in those cases would leave many regret for the people involved. (bạn có thể thêm example về số lượng vụ án oan, để khẳng định về đáng tiếc khi nếu xử oan cho người ta). Moreover, there are many cases in which the families of the murdered victim have plead for the murderer (killer... paraphase nhé), even though they are going through great depression after losing their loved one, they still do not forget their humnaity. A pitiful mother who lost their daughter, for example, due to homicide said in the court that she did not wish for want another mother to be lost her beloved son, therefore, she asked the judge not sentence the killer to death capital punishment .

Conclusion????

-> bạn thiếu Conclusion, đoạn phía trên dùng hơi nhiều câu đơn, nên dùng câu ghép và phức thì tốt hơn, nên linh hoạt parapharse nhiều những từ có liên quan đến topic hơn nữa, những cái ví dụ của bạn hơi dài và thường viết ra thành 1 đoạn, mình nghĩ bạn nên đưa ví dụ ngắn gọn hơn và lồng nó vào cùng đoạn với luận cứ.

 

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Cảm ơn bạn nhiều nhé smiley Mình viết bị thiếu thời gian nên không viết conclusion. Chắc mình sẽ cố  gắng viết ngắn gọn hơn.

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Về Death penalty thì Cam 2 cũng có đề tương tự như thế này rồi, bạn có thể tham khảo thử bài này nhé:
 

It is true that our lives are safer and the number of violence crimes decrease thank to capital punishment. While I agree that capital punishment has an important role to secure society, I believe that death penalty should be consider carefully.

On the one hand, I think that a fear of the death penalty will stop people from committing offences, leading to reduce crimes and protecting lives of people. Moreover, the cost of imprisonment such as food, clothes and training jobs is avoided, saving financial budget for educations and healthcare systems, helping many children to have a chance to go to school and improving the quality of life. Furthermore, some crimes after releasing from prisons continue to convict a criminal and it is really dangerous for society. In light of capital punishment, the offender cannot pose a threat to others anymore.

On the other hand, in my opinion, we should be consider about death penalty carefully. It is possible that innocent people could be wrongly convicted and executed, thus we cannot fix it again in future if we realize that they are not guilty person after they died, making a serious mistake. In addition, capital punishment is a violent action, we have no right to take another human life and the death penalty may be create a violent culture and encourage revenge that we can see or read news easily about the society and politics in West-Asia countries, for example, leading to the migration to other countries where are safer.

In conclusion, it is clear that the death penalty makes our lives safer and the decrease in violent crimes. However, I do not think that capital punishment should be apply widely in our lives. 

 

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Thanks bạn nhé cool

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