IELTS writing task 2 (Đề forecast tháng 8/2015) (mọi người dành chút thời gian vào góp ý nha)

Question

Topic: Schools havent done enough to teach about health. Agree/Disagree?

That schools in many countries seem not to do such a good job at educating children is always a matter of debate. While it is true that schools do try to raise students' awareness of their health, I completely agree with the idea that students are still not fully aware of the significance of their mental and physical health.

There are several reasons why I would argue that schools have made some attempts to broaden students' mind about their health. Firstly, by making sport activities a part of curriculum subject, schools have drawn student's attention to improve their mental health. For example, playing sports such as swimming, basketballs helps students in strengthen their muscles and having to ability to endure hardship for such a long period of time as they have to practice every single day to eventually become a good player or an excelent swimmer. Secondly, extra activities are taken into account to encourage students to lead a healthy mental lifestyle such as attending conferences, and campaigns against using illegal substances (drugs and alcohol). Finally, it is obvious that teachers have to teach children about healthy manners, for instance, cleaning their hands before and after each meal.

However, this is not the whole picture, several students have yet been leading healthy lifestyles despite the efforts schools make to educate them. The biggest problem is that health knowlegde students learn at schools is impractical for most of cases. For example, they might be taught about how harmful illegal substances are at schools, but they might think why famous celebrity was caught using drugs, and successful businessmen on TV are addicted to expensive wine and they might consequently think schools teach them the inappropriate things. Moreover, students these days suffers from a long list of health diseases including obesity and short-sightedness, even with the health lessons in class, and this rates do not seem to reduce in the future. This basically means that schools do not play any important role in helping children realize the importance of their health at all.

In conclusion, I am convinced that schools these days have not done enough teaching about health to their students as they should.

 

Answer 1

That schools in many countries do not seem to do such a good job at educating children is always a matter of debate. While it is true that schools do try to raise students' awareness of their health, I completely agree with the idea that students are still not fully aware of the significance of their mental and physical health.

There are several reasons why I would argue that schools have made some attempts to broaden students' mind about their health. Firstly, by making sport activities a part of curriculum subject, schools have drawn students' attention to improve their mental health. For example, playing sports such as swimming, basketballs helps students strengthen their muscles and have the ability to endure hardship for such a long period of time as they have to practice every single day to eventually become good players or excelent swimmers. Secondly, extra activities are taken into account to encourage students to lead a healthy mental lifestyle such as attending conferences, and campaigns against using illegal substances (drugs and alcohol). Finally, it is obvious/apparent that teachers have to teach children about healthy manners, for instance, cleaning their hands before and after each meal.

However, this is not the whole picture, several students have yet been leading healthy lifestyles despite the efforts made by schools to educate them. The biggest problem is that health knowlegde about which students learn at schools is impractical for most cases. For example, they might be taught about how harmful illegal substances are at schools but they might think why famous celebrities were caught using drugs, and successful businessmen on TV are addicted to expensive wine and they might consequently think schools teach them the inappropriate things. Moreover, students these days suffer from a long list of health diseases including obesity and short-sightedness. Even with the health lessons in class, these rates would not seem to reduce in the future. This basically means that schools do not play any important role in helping children realize the significance of their health at all.

In conclusion, I am convinced that schools these days have not done enough to teach their students about health as they should.

Overall

Good points well made. Pay more attention to subject-verb agreement. Can elaborate a little bit on your conclusion.

Comments

thks bro <3

wish ya best luck and a lucky day.

me just took an IE exam and thks for your useful advice..

again thks a lot <3

Answer 2

That schools in many countries seem not to do such a good job at educating children is always a matter of debate. While it is true that schools do try to raise students' awareness of their health, I completely agree with the idea that students are still not fully aware of the significance of their mental and physical health.

There are several reasons why I would argue that schools have made some attempts to broaden students' mind about their health. Firstly, by making sport activities a part of curriculum subject, schools have drawn student's attention to improve their mental health. For example, playing sports such as swimming, basketballs helps students in strengthen their muscles and have an ability to endure hardship for such a long period of time as they have to practice every single day to eventually become a good player or an excelent swimmer. Secondly, extra activities are taken into account to encourage students to lead a healthy mental lifestyle such as attending conferences, and campaigns against using illegal substances (drugs and alcohol). Finally, it is obvious that teachers have to teach children about healthy manners, for instance, cleaning their hands before and after each meal.

However, this is not the whole picture, several students have yet been leading healthy lifestyles despite the efforts are made by schools make to educate them. The biggest issue is that health knowlegde which students learn at schools is impractical for most of cases. For example, they might be taught about how harmful illegal substances are at schools, but they might think why famous celebrity was caught using drugs, and successful businessmen on TV are addicted to expensive wine and they might consequently think schools teach them the inappropriate things. Moreover, students these days suffer from a long list of health diseases including obesity and short-sightedness, even with the health lessons in class, and this rates do not seem to reduce in the future. This basically means that schools do not play any important role in helping children realize the importance of their health at all.

In conclusion, I am convinced that schools these days have not done enough teaching about health to their students as they should.