theo bạn được bao nhiêu điểm cho bài viết này

Question

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.

In the recent years, an increasing number of people are concerned about the purpose of shopping. Not only is shopping getting the products, but it is also a good way to relax. Whether this target will bring advantages or disadvantages to individuals is a controversial issue. In my opinion, shopping will have many benefits for rich countries as well as people. There are some reasons to support my point of view.

                                                            

First of all, it is obvious that shopping is a great way to promote the economic development. For example,  in 2011, the USA’s economy was seriously destroyed by the attack. Therefore the President Bush had encouraged the citizen shopping to solve this problem. In this way, the economy was rapidly recovered and developed by shopping.

 

Moreover, shopping is also a great option to release the pressure for people after hard day at work. This is because they can walk around the mall and get the goods like clothes, beauty products and so on. Furthermore, in the malls, citizens also visit the restaurants or movie theaters which help people them to relax in the weekend.

 

However, people cannot overlook the disadvantages of shopping. Some people who love shopping, will spend a lot of money on bargain hunting. They will buy several products which are not necessary to them. Hence, they can waste amount of money in shopping, meanwhile, they can save much money from this cash.

 

In conclusion, I believe that shopping will have various the positive effect on people. But we also neglect the negative impact on bargain hunting. 

Answer 1

bài của bạn khá ổn, mình chỉ góp ý một chút về phần bố cục thôi là:

nếu như bạn ghép đoạn 1 và doạn 2 thành một đoạn thì tốt hơn, vì 2 đoạn cùng chỉ ích lợi của mua sắm, còn đoạn 3 thì mình nghĩ nên nghĩ thêm 1 vài ý nữa, vì thực chất thì đấy mới chỉ là 1 ý thôi và bạn nói đi nói lại ý đó.

bạn nên sử dụng nhưng từ chỉ tín đồ mua sắm như shopaholic... để bài essay mang tính chuyên nghiệp hơn.

nếu mình là người chấm thì có lẽ bài của bạn sẽ trong khoảng 6-7đ

(mình mới học ielts nên nếu các anh chị vào thấy có gì sai sót thì sửa giùm)

Comments

thực ra mình viết theo phong cách 3 đoạn ( 2 lợi 1 hại or 2 hại 1 lợi) tùy theo đề bài ban.

thanks bạn nhiều ha