In many countries, the amount of crimes is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

Question

Sắp thi rồi nên mong các bạn xem qua bài này cho ý kiến

 

It is true that many countries in the world are suffering from an increasing rate of crime. In my opinion, there are several causes for this phenomenon, and some measures can be taken to deal with this.

A rise in criminal activities can be resulted in by many causes. Firstly, due to the recent financial crisis, national economy of many countries is impaired, leading to a higher rate of poverty. As a result, people may struggle to make a living and thus have to resort to crimes such as robbery, smuggling, and pickpocketing. Secondly, burgeoning population in some countries depletes employment availability, which leaves many people unemployed. They, therefore, can hardly make ends meet and may perpetrate illegal conducts to support their family. Finally, the government may be conducting ineffective strategies to revitalize the economy.

However, the number of lawbreakers may be reduced by following these proposed solutions. The first approach is to welcome foreign investors into the nation. If overseas organizations establish their production lines and manufacturing factories in the country, more job opportunities will emerge, and an influx of incomes will benefit more households. Another measure is to put a limit on maternity rate by doing birth control. This will slow down the growth of the population, resulting in a decline in unemployment rate in a long run. Consequently, economy crisis might be reversed, and fewer citizens would commit a crime.

In conclusion, I believe that poverty is the root of all evils. As long as impoverished people receive financial support and opportunities, unlawful behaviours can be deterred.

Answer 1

trogn đoạn 2 mình nghĩ sủ dungj các firstly, secondly, thirdly ko nên, chỉ nên trogn triển khai ý của các đoạn

Answer 2

Hello Anh072, mình có vài góp ý bàn thử xem lại nhé. 

Mình recommend bạn viết lại hai đoạn đầu, tiếp đó mình giúp bạn review tiếp hai đoạn cuối nhé.

It is true that many countries in the world are suffering from an increasing => an increased (bạn check lại form này ở oxford dictionary sẽ rõ hơn nhé)  rate of crime. In my opinion, there are several causes for this phenomenon, and some measures can be taken to deal with this.

A rise in criminal activities can be resulted in by => from ( result in = make something happen, result from happen because somthing else first) many causes. Firstly, due to the recent financial crisis, national (it seems reluctant) => the economy of many countries is => are impaired, leading to a higher rate of poverty. As a result, people may struggle to make a living and thus have to resort to crimes such as robbery, smuggling, and pickpocketing. Secondly, burgeoning population in some countries depletes employment availability => availability of employment, which leaves many people unemployed. They, therefore, can hardly make ends meet and may perpetrate illegal conducts to support their family=> It is very hard to reach out your idea, consider to rewrite it. Finally, the government may be conducting ineffective strategies to revitalize the economy.