hi everyone, I am preparing for next CAE exam, please help me correct my essay below

Question

1. Living in a foreign country cannot be better than living in your own. Discuss

  Nowadays, many people would like to move and settle down at another country aiming to get a better life than their own one. However, living in a new environment has both advantages and disadvantages as well.

   One major advantages of living in a foreign country is having a higher standard of living. For example, many developed countries like United State or Australia would be the best choices for living in terms of infrastructure, education and healthcare system. Therefore, it is true that people will have a comfortable life with modern well-equipped facilities and medicine here.

   In addition, living abroad can be a good way to escape a variety of problems presented in one’s country of birth. For instance, war, political or religious intolerance, starvation and natural disasters are among the reasons for people seeking a new home in a foreign country. In such cases, people are often able to start a new life abroad with greater freedom without worrying anything.

   In contrast, it is generally argued that moving to a new land can lead to a serious phenomenon “culture shock”. In fact, the immigrants who come from all corner of the world all seem to face a great deal of challenging in a strange country such as language, custom, lifestyle and so on. As a result, most feel that it is difficult to overcome those obstacles and adapt a new life easily.

  Furthermore, the feeling of loneliness or homesickness is among common things for the immigrants. Especially, it is usually trued that many students, who have to leave their homeland for advanced studying abroad, find that it is terrible to live well without their parents and friends. Consequently, they might be not concentrate on their learning and control their normal life themselves.

  All thing considered, it can be concluded that living in another country could bring benefits and challenges as well. Therefore, it is good to consider carefully before making an important decision for immigrating a new land.1. Living in a foreign country cannot be better than living in your own. Discuss

  Nowadays, many people would like to move and settle down at another country aiming to get a better life than their own one. However, living in a new environment has both advantages and disadvantages as well.

   One major advantages of living in a foreign country is having a higher standard of living. For example, many developed countries like United State or Australia would be the best choices for living in terms of infrastructure, education and healthcare system. Therefore, it is true that people will have a comfortable life with modern well-equipped facilities and medicine here.

   In addition, living abroad can be a good way to escape a variety of problems presented in one’s country of birth. For instance, war, political or religious intolerance, starvation and natural disasters are among the reasons for people seeking a new home in a foreign country. In such cases, people are often able to start a new life abroad with greater freedom without worrying anything.

   In contrast, it is generally argued that moving to a new land can lead to a serious phenomenon “culture shock”. In fact, the immigrants who come from all corner of the world all seem to face a great deal of challenging in a strange country such as language, custom, lifestyle and so on. As a result, most feel that it is difficult to overcome those obstacles and adapt a new life easily.

  Furthermore, the feeling of loneliness or homesickness is among common things for the immigrants. Especially, it is usually trued that many students, who have to leave their homeland for advanced studying abroad, find that it is terrible to live well without their parents and friends. Consequently, they might be not concentrate on their learning and control their normal life themselves.

  All thing considered, it can be concluded that living in another country could bring benefits and challenges as well. Therefore, it is good to consider carefully before making an important decision for immigrating a new land.

Answer 1

In my opinion:

Nowadays, many people would like to move prefer moving and settling down at in another country aiming to get a better life than to their own one home country because of a better life. However, living in a new environment place has both advantages and disadvantages as well.
 

One major advantages of Fisrt of all, living oversea in a foreign country would mean more chances to broad horizons and open the door to better job opputinities. The industrialization and modernization in many countries creating a huge amout of work that requies a giant workforce. Many Vietnam farmers, for example, trend to migrant to Korea and Taiwan in order to find a job better with high salary.  is having a higher the standard of living is quite good, it means that . For example, many developed countries like United State or Australia would be the best choices for living in terms of infrastructure, education and healthcare system. Therefore, it is true that people will have a comfortable life with modern well-equipped facilities and medicine here.   In addition, living abroad can be a good way to escape a variety of problems presented in one’s country of birth. For instance, such as war, political or religious intolerance, starvation and natural disastersm, leading to  people seeking a new home in a foreign country. In such cases, For instance, Lybian resident people are often able tend to move to another country to start a new life abroad with greater freedom without worrying anything.

   In contrast, On the other hand, it is generally argued that moving to a new land can lead to a serious phenomenon “culture shock”. In fact, the immigrants who come from all corner of over the world all seem to face a great deal the dilemma of challenging in a strange country such as language, custom, lifestyle and so on. As a result, most people feel that it is difficult to overcome those obstacles and adapt a new life easily. Furthermore, the feeling of loneliness or homesickness is among common things for the immigrants. Especially, it is usually trued that many students, who have to leave their homeland for advanced studying abroad, find that it is feel terrible to live well without their parents and friends. Consequently, they might be not concentrate on their learning and control their normal life themselves.

All thing considered, it can be concluded that living in another country could bring both benefits and  drawbacks challenges as well. Therefore, it is good to consider carefully before making an important decision for immigrating a new land.

 

Answer 2

Chào bạn, mình có vài gợi ý để bạn hoàn chỉnh bài đây:  

Nowadays, many people tend to move and settle down at another country with an aim to having a better life than their own one.

 In addition, living abroad can be a good way to escape from a variety of problems presented in one’s country of birth. ( hoặc " a escape from" thay cho " a good way" để ngắn gọn hơn).

One major advantages of living in a foreign country is... (chú ý ngữ pháp nha bạn).

 In contrast, it is generally argued that moving to a new land can lead to a serious phenomenon called “culture shock”.

Furthermore, the feeling of loneliness or homesickness is among common things ( hoặc bạn dùng từ concern) for the immigrants.

Ý của bạn khá tốt, nhưng chú ý hơn về cách dùng từ và đừng để sai các lỗi ngữ pháp đơn giản nha bạn. Chúc bạn học tốt!