Hello everybody, I'm a new comer. This is the first time I have posted my writting. Please help me as soon as you can. Thank you very much. I love all of you, dear! the topic is My pet

Question

My pet
1. What's your favorite pet?
2. Why do you like it?
3. How many pets are there in your house?
4. How often do you feed your pet?
5. Does your pet love to eat? Why?
6. Which pet is the easiest to take care of?
7. Do you think it's good to have a pet?
                                                                          My pet

I bet that in all over the world lots of people think that the cutest animals are dogs, cats or rabits. But have you ever thought about a bird, a black bird? It's not as strong as an eagle. Its eyes are not as bright as a buzzard and it's not as pretty as a piecock but it's my favourite pet-a starling.(^-^). I like it so much because it's very loyal. Every morning, it uses its voice to wake me up and that's the reason why I'm never late for school. I feed it 3 times a day, just like the number of meals we eat each day. A long time before, I had 2 dogs. They were very cute but they died soon because of the food from the bad guys outside on the street. Then I had a squirrel but it was so dirty so my mother didn't let me to have it. I had always thought that I'd never have a pet but then although my pet is not like any dogs or squirrel, I'm very glad to see it every day. I just need it beside me, that's also enough. It likes eating a lot, especially chillies and the insects like grass hobbers. My starling is very easy-going so it's very easy to take care of. Like people, starling also has a very special emotion. When it gets angry, it screams out loud like a crazier but when it's happy it sings. Wow and it can also say:" Hello", "Welcome" " Mommy, I love you " and so on. It's definitely true that it's very good to have a pet. I can be relaxed beside it after a hard-working day.It's my best friend. I'll protect it and keep it safe from the extinction.
                         That's all about my pet. How about yours? Please mark for me and if you have some little free time, you can send me a post to tell me about your pet and maybe I'll mark for you and tell you my opinion. See you
 P/S nothing. Bye. ^-^  Love

Answer 1

Chào bạn, mình đã xem bài viết của bạn, nó rất tốt, viết khá chắc tay, nhưng mình nghĩ nó còn có thể hay hơn. Sau đây là vài ý kiến của mình để bạn tham khảo: 

I bet that lots of people all around the world think that the cutest animals are dogs, cats or rabits. (dùng như vậy sẽ thuận hơn).

It is not as strong as an eagle. ( Mình nghĩ bạn không nên viết tắt khi viết bài, nếu là văn nói thì OK, còn văn viết thì không nên nha bạn) .

 I'll protect it and keep it safe from dangers. ( thú cưng thì mình không dùng "extinction" bạn nhé, vì từ đó phần lớn để chỉ sự tuyệt chủng của động vật quý hiếm).

ngoài ra khi nhắc đến thú cưng bạn có thể dùng các đại từ he, she , him, her, his, them... để bày tỏ tình cảm và điều này hoàn toàn được phép nha bạn, vì nó giống như phép nhân hóa trong văn học vậy. Vì các câu hỏi dàn bài của bạn khá giống các câu hỏi của một bài speaking test nên mình nghĩ trả lời như vậy là ổn rồi. Chúc bạn học tốt ! 

 

Comments

Thank you very much for your correcting. From this mistakes, I can learn a lot of things. Thanks again.

Answer 2

In general, I think that your essay is not related to the writing in IELTS right?. However, there is no problem with your gramma, it just you focus too much on telling your stories about your pets. I suggest that you shuold add more emotions or feelings yourself about your most favorite pet like the starling one. Consequently, your writing will be more vivid I surpose. ^.^