Bài IELTS writing task 2 (12/6/2015)

Question

Question: Explain some measures of protecting endangered spieces

Answer: 

Wild animals play an important role in balancing eco-system and bio-diversity. However, it is the fact that the number of wild animals is decreasing significantly due to the demands of people on leather, fur, meat.... That is the reason why we should take action together to prevent those animals from the verge of extinction.

It is undeniable that education is the best method to raise awareness of human. As a result, the very first thing we should do is to include measures of protecting endangered species in curriculum from primary school to high school to educate children about the threats human will pose if animals are in danger of extinction such as: ecological imbalance, the shortage of food supply... Moreover, people should be encouraged not to use productions that come from endangered species.

Beside the apperception of most people, there are also people who ignore the emergency situation of animals and keep poaching and hunting illegally. In this case, laws should be enforced to strictly punish such as: imprisonment, penalty... depending on level of violation.

Last but not least, government should build more and more parks, zoos to set up the habitats like the natural environment so that the endangered animals can survive, grow and multiply their genus.

Animal protection is responsibility of not only government but also individuals. That is why we should join our hand to maintain the balance of ecosystem and bio-diversity.

(235 words)

 

Answer 1

- Mình nghĩ là ecosystem, theo từ điển Oxford là vậy

 

- Ko nên dùng dấu 3 chấm (...), chỉ cần nêu là "leather, fur and meat" là đc. Tương tự "ecological imbalance and the shortage of food supply", sau such as ko cần hai chấm (:)

 

- As a result, the very first thing we should do is to include measures of protecting endangered species in curriculum from primary school to high school to educate children about the threats human will pose if animals are in danger of extinction such as: ecological imbalance, the shortage of food supply... dài quá

- "laws should be enforced to strictly punish such as: imprisonment, penalty... " bạn xem lại chỗ này nhé theo mình là "the laws should be enforced to punish criminal strictly depending on the level of violation" ví dụ thì cho vào câu sau vì câu của bạn cho vdu vào có vẻ ko hợp lắm, hoặc là do trình mình chưa đủ :))
hoặc "several strict punishments such as impresonment and penalty can be imposed depending on the level of violation to ensure the enforcement of the laws"

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