All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a country’s culture. How far do you agree with this statement?

Question

Mình mới làm, mong mọi người sửa giúp mình với. Many thanks ạ.

It is undeniable that culture is priceless asset and important resource for every country. Therefore, some people find that entrance charges should be free in such places as museum and art gallery while others are expected to pay a fee. However, I believe that it would better if we charge an entrance fee as follows.

To begin with, free admission is definitely an effective way to promote country’s cultural background widely. For example, visitors are possible to pay more attention to such places while getting stuck for ideas on their holidays. They with high ability come to appreciate cultural richness about historical objects and famous paintings. Furthermore, there will has huge potential of people coming back to visit with their friends.

However, a considerable problem still need to be solved is how poor countries could sustain the development of such places normally if they do not have enough budget. How would the government deal with the burden of expenses when facing with many issues need to be covered such as employee salaries, the restoration and maintenance of cultural heritages. To solve this issue, the government should charge an entrance fee in order to not only settle this matter partly but also make visitors feel satisfied with exhibitions correspond with their spending.

In conclusion, it seems to me that it is better if having a small entrance fee when people access to these buildings. This amount of money will be able to help cultural places cover its money problems and develop their cultural values.

(253 words)

Answer 1

* Nhìn chung: Bài có bố cục rõ; tuy nhiên diễn đạt ý còn yếu, thi thoảng mắc lỗi dùng từ và ngữ pháp. Cá nhân mình thấy một bài essay ngắn thế này, nếu support Yes/ No mà dùng hai đoạn thì cả hai đoạn nên đều ủng hộ ý bạn đang support. Ở đây bạn dùng 1 đoạn phản biện, 1 đoạn ủng hộ ý của bạn thì arguement sẽ bị yếu. Có thể cải thiện bằng cách khai triển thêm 1 đoạn support :3

* Chữa:

Chú thích: Lỗi spelling, grammar, phrasing... nhỏ (đã chữa) & lỗi diễn đạt ý trong câu (không rõ ý. Cần viết lại/ giải thích thêm cho phần được highlight)

It is undeniable that culture is a priceless asset and an important resource for every country. Therefore, some people find that entrance charges should be free in such places places such as museums and art galleries while others are expected to pay a fee. However, I believe that it would better if we charge an entrance fee as follows for the reasons as follows/ for the following reasons.

To begin with, free admission to museums and art galleries is definitely an effective way to promote a country’s cultural background widely. For example, visitors are possible more likely/ more prone to pay more attention to such places while getting stuck for ideas for where to go on their holidays. They with high ability come to appreciate cultural richness about historical objects and famous paintings. Furthermore, there will has huge potential of people coming back to visit with their friends.

However, a considerable problem still needs to be solved is how poor countries could sustain the development of such places normally consistently if they do not have enough budgets. How would With a lack of financial support from visitors, it would be highly dificult for the government to deal with the burden of expenses when facing with many financial issues in preserving cultural heritages need to be covered, such as employee salaries, the or restoration and maintenance of cultural heritages fees. To solve this issue, the government should charge an entrance fee in order to not only settle this matter partly but also make visitors feel satisfied with exhibitions correspond with their spending.

In conclusion, it seems to me that it is better if having a small entrance fee when people access to these buildings it is advisable to have a small entrance fee when people visit museums and galleries. This amount of money will be able to help cultural places to cover its money financial problems and develop their cultural heritage values.