All museums and art galleries should be free because they are an important part of a country’s culture. How far do you agree with this statement?
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It is undeniable that the folklore in each countries is going to be diminished and underneath of the modernization industry. For the conservation, there are several ways released by government, hence, free entrance of museums and art galleries totally need to be published widespread, shown the principal factor of culture. I strongly agree with this statement.

 

For a variety of reasons, no charge of the access of museums and art galleries leads to an increase on the number of tourists. Thanks to that course of action, culture of nation would be more popular ( both local people and foreigners). Further more, visiting freely means well-known place without any cost of advertisement. The more visitors are coming, the more people are concerning about country’s culture by words of mouth.

 

The following factor which support the view of making all art products free ticket is that people becomes a knowledgeable person and to be opened the basic horizon due to government's policies. For instance, visiting historical places encourages children to gain the deep comprehension of the world war causing substantial damage to the next generation. Those, witnessing the consequence, have a motivation for their studying. Other benefit of it, people tends to use the arts like a positive element. Hitherto, they seem to stuck in work and forget the truth dream or the peace inside their heart. So, going to that places guides people to the harmony of pure soul and cheers them up.

 

To sum up, country’s culture has an effect on human’s life based on every steps of those related with belief as well as the tradition, simply, taking shape in human being. By admitting the major roles of museums and art galleries, I, repeatedly, have the same point with giving free access for everyone as helping the protection of heritage of a country society. 

 

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Theo mình thì bài viết của bạn khá tốt, vốn từ phong phú, word choice cũng tốt, grammar tốt. Nhưng có 1 số điểm mình nghĩ cần khắc phục như sau:

Intro:  Ở câu "For the conservation, there are several ways released by government, hence, free entrance of museums and art galleries totally need to be published widespread, shown the principal factor of culture", mình không nắm rõ ý lắm. Bạn nói có nhiều cách chính phủ đưa ra để bảo tồn, vậy ý đó có liên quan như thế nào với ý sau "free entrance...should be published" (và từ publish nghĩa là phát hành, xuất bản trong lĩnh vực sách vở là chính, theo mình hớ). -> mình nghĩ bạn nên viết lại câu này cho người đọc dễ hiểu ý của bạn.

Paragraph 2: ý "For a variety of reasons" mình nghĩ bạn nên liệt kê vài reasons cụ thể cho người ta biết luôn. Ý "visiting freely means well-known place without any cost of advertisement" khá khó hiểu. Mình nghĩa bạn có thể sửa lại là: free entrance to such places is a good method for advertising any national cultures. 

 

Paragraph 3: Sai 1 vài lỗi ngữ pháp ở câu "The following factor which support the view of making all art products free ticket is that people becomes a knowledgeable person and to be opened the basic horizon due to government's policies" -> the following factor which supports the view of making all art products freely ticketed is that people possibly become knowledgeable ones and attain the new horizon. (bỏ due to governments' policies luôn vì nó dư và không liên quan đến ý đang nói). Ở ý "visiting historical places encourages children to gain the deep comprehension of the world war causing substantial damage to the next generation. Those, witnessing the consequence, have a motivation for their studying" thì mình không hiểu việc hiểu rõ hậu quả chiến tranh liên quan thế nào đến việc trẻ em sẽ có động lực học hành. Nên bạn có thể giải thích thêm ở ý này hoặc đổi cái effect của việc hiệu rõ hậu quả chiến tranh luôn (chẳng hạn là trẻ em k muốn thấy thế giới tiếp tục có chiến tranh -> nâng cao tinh thần hướng đến thế giới hòa bình)

Conclusion: trong cụm "every steps of those" thì mình không hiểu those ở đây chỉ cái gì, và every step thôi nhé bạn.

 

Trên đây là 1 số ý kiến của mình thôi nhé. 

 

 

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Cảm ơn bạn nhiều nhé :). mình sẽ sửa lại những lỗi trên :)

Không có chi nhé bạn. smiley

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